Samuel Stone Hall.
How to Get a Rich Wife: Or, the Bliss of Marriage.
Notes for groups
Add Pictures, Need to finish proofreading and formatting paragraphs past the STOPPED HERE. Format and link the table of contents.
HARVAM COLLEeC UMAiY
fTNE REQUEST Of
iVCRT JANSEN WENDEU
K; — t — ^rfHl according to Act of Congress, on the 27th day of February, 1858.
Bjr S. S. HA^XjI^, :rt the office of the U. S. District Court for the Eastern District of LouininnH.
(JLAP.K k BRISBI5, PEINTERS.
PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:
s I R : —
>^ — a lav^ryer, as a diploxnat, as a pliilaiitlir<:>piMt, kh sk political eoonoxxxist, and. as a patron, and lovei- ot scienoe, to yoti I dedicate tills "veork.
Yours, Aliost It.espeetfVill^'',
S. S. HALL.
Xkw ORLEAirs, April 1,1858.
To the public we tender this book, with the hope it will meet a kind and indulgent criticism. It is the result of personal experience and general observation. Our rule has been for the last three years, during the time this work has been in contemplation, to interrogate our most intimate friends relative to their courtships and their final results. The irresistible conclusions drawn from existing facts were carefully noted, and since arranged in their present shape. The greatest difficulty haw been to ascertain the diagnosis of love, or when a lady is sincere. There are such infinite varieties of mind, that no two, perhaps, will act alike, under similar circumstances. But admitting all these complicated barriers and apparent inconsistencies, there are indications of love and affection which a close observer can never misapprehend. They stand in bold relief, yet are unseen, " they speak, yet say nothing," they appeal to the heart, yet none perceive save a kindred spirit.
Morality is the basis of our theory, and philosophy our guide. The South is our native land; our book is written, printed and published in the South, and to the South we especially appeal. If this, our first effort, meets with any success, a second edition will soon appear correctcci and enlarged by the assistance of an intellectual and highly accomplished lady of extensive experience in love affairs.
TABLE OF CONTENTS.
BLISS OF MARRIAGE
AGE AT WHICH PERSONS SHOULD MARRY
MAKE YOUR OWN CHOICE
GENTLENESS IN LOVE
PERPETUITY OF LOVE
MARRY NO WOMAN WHO SLEEPS TILL BREAKFAST
THE BALL ROOM
NEVER COMPETE WITH A RICH MAN
INFLUENCE OF FAMILY
HOW TO GET A RICH WIFE
MANNER OF INTRODUCTION
HOW TO WIN HER LOVE
POPPING THE QUESTION
NEVER LIVE ON CREDIT
RIGHTS OF WOMAN
PART THE FIRST.
BLISS OF MARRIAGE.
Contemplating the evil results that often flow from ill-assorted matches, we propose to set forth our views upon this very interesting subject by laying down a few simple rules for the benefit of such as are about to select a companion for life. Every young man should aspire to the highest position that society can bestow, but in all his actions should be governed by the most approved rules of morality, and look to future happiness and prosperity as well as the immediate gratification of his selfish propensities. If he is endowed with an ardent and ambitious mind it should be kept under the control of natural reason, but if slow and plethoric in habit, it should be his most constant study to use every means with which he may be gifted to arouse his dormant faculties, and bring them into active exercise. Man, in his primitive state, was natural in movement, graceful and easy in every attitude, dignified and reserved in all his relations to society.
If he loved, it was with that purity which none could doubt; if he courted, it was with that simplicity which charmed the object of his affections — so natural, so true, were the dictates of his love. But when intelligence flashed upon the world, when passion, re-augmented by its own action, transplanted man into the hot-beds of progress, then, by a more refined cultivation, he reached an intensity of feeling unknown in the first ages of the world. With these two extremes before us, the question arises, shall we fall into the natural, i. e., primitive state, or plunge blindfolded in the vortex of civilized revolution? We will endeavor to pursue neither course, but with deliberation and reflection approach the object of our choice with the winning simplicity of the aboriginee, and all the intensity of man in his more God-like state, and throw at her feet the choicest gems snatched from the ocean of progress. Most young men begin life with overflowing passions, unchecked by reason, and led on by the alluring temptation of corrupt associates; they seek, alone, the gratification of their sensual propensities, and readily conclude the great object of life is to revel in luxury, and think there is aught to do but sing a song, take a glass of champagne, and "pop the question." Thus, without morals, without reputation, without an educated mind, he attempts to rise to a position only attainable by the most cultivated intellects. The lady, oftener than otherwise, refuses to accept his proposition; he loses self-confidence, suspects the whole sex of perfidy, and forever absolves himself from female society; when, if the early part of his life had been spent in the study of human nature, and in learning the philosophy of his own mind, he would have met a different result, and, instead of disappointment, might have been eminently successful.
The great fault with most young aspirants to the
honors of a Benedict, is haste and precipitation, and
in the hurry and perplexity of the occasion, they
commit many awkward blunders that might otherwise be averted. Every young man should wait
until he has arrived at years of maturity — until he
has finished his education, and then, with the fundamental rules of his future course firmly laid, proceed to the execution of the principal object in view,
regardless of casual impediments or temporary
Never too hasty nor too slow, but let inter media res
be his maxim. If he should address and marry a
young lady of superior mental capacities, endowed
with highly moral and social qualities, he may be satistied with one of the greatest blessings in life. With such a companion an ordinary man would be happy, but all have their peculiarities, and if two persons of different mental constitutions should be unfortunately united together, there would be so many circumstances in wedlock calling out those differences of opinion, that strife, turmoil and unhappiness, would characterize and embitter their future lives. Against these it is our design to guide the young of both sexes. They are many and complicated, but may be reached by close observation and discrimination.
AGE AT WHICH PERSONS SHOULD MARRY.
There is such a vast difference between the physiological and mental development of individuals, that no conventional period could correctly be fixed upon as the time most suitable for persons to marry. Some are precocious, and at the early age of twenty have settled into manhood, and display a mind as fully matured as others at a more advanced period of life. While, on the other hand, some of the best intellects the world ever produced have lain dormant until arrived at thirty, and then burst forth like a volcanic blaze, and astonished the age in which they lived. Dr. Franklin maintained that nature dictates the most proper time; but he did not consider the many abuses of our faculties, nor the artificial stimulus brought to bear in order to excite ai. undue state of mind. If nature were let alone there could be no better judge; but when the most powerful means are daily used to pervert its legitimate action, we cannot but perceive that evil consequences must inevitably ensue.
Let us review the daily vocations of a youth in modern society, and then deduce from the facts whether the intuitive promptings of nature should be the sole arbiter in every case ?
From infancy to manhood the boy is indulged in ease and luxury; his every taste is gratified with sweetmeats and the most exciting food, his wines are furnished at pleasure, he chews tobacco, smokes cigars, and revels all night under the influence of intoxicating liquor, and continues for weeks in this state of mind. Can any rational being argue from such premises that the promptings of nature to marry is less erring than a like disposition to gratify his alimentive propensities? The latter is self-evidently corrupt from daily practice, and the inclination to marry is equally unnatural and would manifest itself if the same opportunities and temptations should occur.
The same may be said respecting young ladies. Anxious mothers often present their daughters to a wondering public at the tender age of thirteen years, and solicit for their uneducated babes the wooing caresses of beardless boys, who are as unfit to assume the responsibilities of matrimony as the youthful miss, who offers herself a sacrifice to outraged nature. One so tender, so delicate, so young, to have her happiness forever blighted by such a course, is enough to make philanthropy stand abashed and put a mother's cheek to the blush. At fifteen they are thrown upon the world as the companion of a youthful Benedict, both of whom would better ornament a parlor, or more appropriately carol in their childish spheres. Such cases are not uncommon, as may he easily ascertained by reviewing the history of pale faces and shattered constitutions among women before half their lives have been spent.
Mothers frequently fall into the opposite extreme, and advise their daughters to very late marriages, under the false assumption that with domestic life all real happiness ends, and that the troubles and cares incident upon such a condition greatly outweighs the pleasures of married life. This arises from the want of a proper appreciation of true happiness, for what are the distant wooings of a polished gallant to the tender caresses of a loving husband ? what are the stereotyped flatteries of a known flirt to the sincere outpourings of a manly soul, or what are the doubtful smiles of a beautiful belle to the hearty welcome of a devoted wife? All other pleasures stand subservient to matrimonial bliss. The highest, the worthiest and the noblest gift of God, is virtuous woman ! By daily associations and commingling of mutual interests, by uniting heart to heart, and mind to mind, ten thousand pleasures arise unfelt by the icy heart of one whose soul never warmed into extatic rapture, or glowed in the sunshine of connubial love. Mothers who entertain unfavorable opinions of married life must either have flirted themselves out of confidence with the opposite sex when girls, and at last have been forced to take a third choice, or they must have married too early by following the dictates of passion, to select a suitable companion; and after the first impulse of nature subsided were left heart-broken and disgusted with their own folly.
But there are many causes to prevent ladies from marrying their first choice, of which we will more fully speak at another time. None but men can judge of mind, and if from youth and inexperience they should make an injudicious selection, the consequence must be disastrous. A man at twenty-five can love as devoteldy as a boy of nineteen, and a girl at twenty may be as romantic in her first love as the sentimental juvenile in her sixteenth year. — Young men are sometimes urged to marry early to avoid the temptation to evil incident upon a single life; but a mind not possessed of the innate qualities of virtue and morality had better never marry. Such men are unfit to become heads of families, and would better fulfil the destiny of their creation by living, as animals do, in the pursuit of objects more consonant with the cravings of their groveling minds. Marriage is no remedy for vice of any kind, and particularly for those so prevalent in high life. In the cold latitudes ef Siberia, Russia and North British America, the mind and physical power of man are not as easily developed as in more southern climes, and being strangers to many of the luxuries of civilized life, they are as immature at twenty-one as a southern youth who has only reached his seventeenth year. Constitutional vivacity, mental precocity and activity, would reach maturity at a much earlier age than one characteristic of natural stupidity.
But after a bachelor has passed the age of twenty-five, he becomes more fastidious in the selection of a companion, and more careless about matrimonial pleasures; and if circumstances should prove unfavorable, he would more than likely end his days in a life of single blessedness. When a man begins to verge on the critical period of thirty, there remains but little hope that he will ever arouse himself from his lethargy, and persevere to a successful conquest. There are so many impediments, so many objections to be raised in the breast of an old bachelor, that few ladies ever meet their approbation, and procrastination being a daily practice, soon becomes an attachee of his very nature; from neglect to improve opportunities, he becomes indifferent to the charms of the fair sex, and thus lives on, solitary and alone, throughout, perhaps, in other respects, a brilliant and successful career through life. But between the evils of immaturity and the danger of procrastination, every young man should resolve to marry. There are so many pretty girls whose hearts beat with unrequited love, that he who will not advance and offer his hand when such temptations arise, is unworthy the name of man.
MAKE YOUR OWN CHOICE.
" Love rules the court, the camp, the grove,
Supreme on earth and reignn above."
There is nothing in which a man should be so unyielding as the right to choose his own companion. He may compromise his moneyed interests, his individual convenience, but when personal happiness is to be bartered away, it deserves the serious consideration of every reflecting mind. It is an inalienable right delegated to every rational being by the indubitable laws of nature. It is an absolute right inseparable from individual sovereignty.
But parents often dispose of the hearts of their children as if Circassian slaves, and feel as little remorse for the outrage upon human nature as the haughty Turk who bids for the smiles of his lover. A parent can no more direct the sympathies of a child, than old age can rejuvenate and beat to the pulse of blooming youth or revive its former powers. Where age has stamped its seal upon the stalwart energies of the greatest intellect, it must sway to natures call and give place to the asseverations of a more vigorous mind. If love be the fundamental principle, and the only inducement to matrimony, then every man should exercise the undisputed prerogative of selecting whomsoever may best suit his taste, or reciprocate most congenially his peculiar mode of thinking. Parents have yet to learn that forcing lovers upon their daughters, whether from motives of self aggrandisement, or to gratify some pious whim, is sadly productive of social evil. Some will sacrifice every other consideration to secure a title, — some seek to he connected with an aristocratic family, — some will compromise their daughter's happiness to compliment a sycophantic favorite, while others, which constitute the greater portion of unchristian parents, marry their children for wealth alone. But she who has been sacrificed to the God of gold, soon finds the unhappiness consequent upon a union with an ignorant and worthless man, far exceeds the pleasure derived from an ostentatious display of costly magnificence.
A man may possess the wealth of Croesus, or the courteous fame of Antony, and then, from differences of natural disposition make an uncongenial husband. But when two sympathetic hearts meet, unbiassed by prejudice, they attract each other by the electrical influence of magnetic power, which no friendly persuasion or parental authority can separate. It is the union of two congenial souls indissolubly bound by the ties of connubial love. Parents may dart the shaft of ridicule at his peculiarities, may hurl anathemas at his obscure origin, may denounce his presumptions aspirations, or pronounce the solemn edict of disinherison, and still she will cling with more fond affection to the object of her love.
The reverence with which children are taught to obey the mandates of parents, give them an unlimited influence in the formation of opinions without requiring any reasons whatever for so doing.
By this means favored suitors are often presented, and their slender virtues, which consist more in fawning flattery than sterling worth, are extolled and dignified by the weight of parental approbation, until insignificance is magnified into stupendous proportions, and he who is as ignorant of his own mental adaptation to the sentiments of his intended wife as he is unworthy to be her husband, soon occupies the most conspicuous and honorable position in the affections of a noble lady.
Where one diamond alone sparkles in the dark without comparison with any other, the beholder may conclude there is no other as priceless gem; so where one lover woos without competition, or with unfavored aspirants, he sparkles without a rival, or with those hidden beneath a heterogeneous composition of prejudice. Gentle insinuations, without the least assumption of authority, that one man possesses a favorite quality that another may be denied, although an inferior in every other respect, will produce a serious effect upon the tender mind of youth, and decide her destiny in future life. While, on the other hand, we find merit almost invariably accompanied with stern independence, and an un-deviating adherence to fixed principle, which, if not in accordance with the already formed opinions of parents, will serve as an engine of discord, and be used as an instrument to prove him unworthy of love. Many parents assure their children that no authority shall be used to prevent the exercise of their right of choice, but place around them such restraints, in case of disobedience to their suggestions, that none but determined minds will ever leap the bounds in which they are circumscribed, and assert a right to which they are justly entitled.
Few ladies can resist the temptation and inducements set forth by parents to reward them with handsome donations of property, and a consequent high position in society, by marrying the selected favorite, although she may know that to harmonize delicacy with gross stupidity, is like the affiliation of caloric with an icicle. Let the youthful mind soar unrestrained into the great wilderness of thought — let it glide o'er hill and dale like a gentle rippling stream to its own level, and it will find a kindred spirit with which to mingle and sparkle like an electric blaze, which no authority can extinguish; and if she be a true noble hearted woman, she will renounce all former social ties, and cling to the protecting arm of her lover.
“When woman’s heart man’s earliest vows disdain,
All future efforts, there, will be in vain.”
Love, in its primitive purity, is a gentle, pleasing theme — the noblest passion of the human breast — the fairest ornament of rational nature.
Love is the electic chain which connects society and the source of social happiness; for without it, the community of the rational universe would dissolve, and mankind turn savages and roam apart, in barbarous solitude.
Love is the softener and polisher of the human mind; it transforms barbarians into men; its pleasures are refined and delicate; and even its pain and anxieties have something in them soothing and pleasing. Love is the spring of every pleasure, for who could enjoy the possession of that which he does not love, or perform social duties without feeling endearments of those relations to which they belong. Why did Omnipotence exert itself in the production of this vast amazing world out of nothing? It was to open a channel in which the overflowing ocean of love might exert itself, and diffuse its streams of happiness from creature to creature, upward, as high as the most exalted archangel, and downward, as low as the meanest vital particle of being, and as extensive as the remotest bounds of the universe, and all the innumerable and intermediate ranks of existencies in the endless chain of nature. Love is the first principle of man; it shoots up from the very fountain of life; it cleaves to the human constitution by a thousand ligaments, and can never, therefore, be exterminated. The experiment has, again and again, been tried, and the result proved worthy the rash attempt. Trees of life wave their ambrosial tops around it; rivers of pleasure issue from beneath it; before it angels touch their harps of living melody, and saints, in sweet repose, breathe forth to the listening heavens, their grateful songs in commendation of this divine institution. Here language fails; mere inspiration can describe this thrilling glow ol thought, by declaring it indescribable. Of all the pleasures that endear human life, there are none more worthy the attention of a rational creature, than those which flow from a mutual return of connubial love. When two minds are thus engaged by the ties of reciprocal sincerity, each, alternately receive and communicate a transport that is inconceivable to all but those who are in this situation. Whence arises that heart ennobling solicitude for one another's welfare — that tender sympathy which alleviates affection and participates pleasures highest prosperity. Let him whose heart has beat to the romance of first love, transport himself on the golden wings of fancy to the time when he roamed in the green grove and shady woods, and there listened to the enchanting notes of her who first won his love; or let memory glide back through blank sunless years, and picture in brilliant thought the scenes of youthful innocence and pleasing hours spent in sweet communion. On the banks of some majestic river, beneath the serene skies and twinkling stars, youth's blood ebbed and flowed in all the conscious poetry of first love. There they exchanged hearts and pledged their faith; and how deep was impressed upon his soul that modest kiss, and how embodied with his very existence were the reminiscences of those damask cheeks and love-lit eyes. Though years of trouble may have frozen icicles around his heart, yet how they melt and thaw in the sunshine of these pleasing recollections.
“There is no such thing as single blessedness.”
All are in search of happiness, all conceive different views of what it is, and all pursue different modes to obtain it. Socrates said it consisted in one great good — God. Epicurus maintained that it could only be found in voluptuousness. While a celebrated modern metaphysician contends that it does not consist in wealth, luxury, music or the cultivation of the fine arts, nor in the exercises of religion, but in the family circle, in the society of friends and kindred. Mr. Combe, who harmonises the discordant views of these philosophers, lays it down as one of his fundamental principles, that happiness consists in the exercise of our most active faculties, and the satisfaction of our desires. If a man should be endowed with a pious turn of mind, his greatest happiness would be derived from the worship of God. If he should be gifted with a peculiar organization, as Newton or Kepler, his happiness would be found in the study of Astronomy and Mathematics. But if benevolence should predominate, as in the case of Howard, then he would upturn prisons in search of objects to relieve from misery, and enjoy the happy sensations only known and felt by the kind-hearted. If, however, ambition should be the ruling motive, he could only be happy in dethroning kings, demolishing empires, and making a universal wreck of art, science and all industrious fabrications, to erect a more stupendous superstructure with his own hands.
The peasant is as happy in attending his flocks, as the prince in his royal palace; the farmer is as happy in the pursuit of agriculture, as the mechanic in his peculiar vocation; and the doctor is as happy in the investigation of physiology, as the lawyer in poring over his ancient library, or writing a long and intricate brief. Each, if adapted to his employment, is happy in his sphere, and thus harmony exists through all animated creation.
If men were created social beings, endowed with faculties which seek their gratification in the company of others, then we must conclude that old bachelors who have renounced society and look for pleasure in solitude, can never be happy. They have capacities to love, sentiments of affection which can only be satisfied by being placed upon a worthy object. But we may trace the single life of old bachelors to various causes. Some are the pitied subjects of former flirtation. They commenced the world gallant young men; impelled by vain ambition they undertook to conquer the whole female sex, and like Bonaparte, en route to Moscow, fell by the withering blasts of coquetry, amid the snow capped mountains and rugged rocks of social troubles.
There is another class of old bachelors whose timidity will not permit them to prosecute their suit to a successful-termination. They are so awkward and uncouth in female society, that every step excites ridicule, until some heartless girl, by wit and sarcasm, drives him to solitude for self protection. The only certain remedy, in such a case, is to move onward with an intrepid tread to the attainment of whatever object in view, unheeding the frown of mischief-loving girls, or disapprobation of those perhaps interested in your discomfiture. Some men will not marry because a rich wife is not alloted to all, or because they cannot maintain her in the grandeur and magnificence pictured in youthful dreams. These are idle thoughts. Wealth alone is not happiness, and can never be a subject of universal distribution; it is for a few, and these should be men of exalted merit. If these objections were referred to your lady love, they would be banished as an idle chimera; for love requires neither gold nor fame to kindle its latent fires — it blazes and sparkles by its own intrinsic virtue. If the statistical report of young mens' expenditures could be exhibited, we would find much greater sums lavished in extravagance than would support a wife. Two minds in concert and ingenious planning can soon accumulate a fortune. There are none more happy than a man in moderate circumstances, whose property is unencumbered, whose cares and responsibilities are too light to disturb his quiet sleep. When the toils of the day are ended, when all nature seems hushed in rest, and by the light of twinkling stars he retires to his humble cottage, where all is peace and plenty, there he collects his happy family around the bright and sparkling fire of Winter eve, the father, the son, the mother, the daughter, the husband and wife, in one social circle gathered, and then who can say there is no bliss in marriage. But compared with a life like this, great powers of redemption, how desolate must be the condition of an old bachelor! How barren of all joys, solitary and comfortless at home, he strolls abroad to better his condition, but meeting with no tenderness to sweeten company, soon tires, and with a sigh gets up to go home! Poor man! his eyes are upon the ground, his steps are slow, for alas, home has no attraction! He has nothing there but gloomy walls and solitary chambers. Alone he swallows his silent supper, crawls off to bed trembling, coils himself in cold sheets, solitary, remembering that with to-morrow's sun the same dull round begins again.
GENTLENESS IN LOVE.
Mildness should characterize the deportment of every young man when in the society of young ladies. Caresses constitute a great part of woman’s happiness, and to be flattered and praised is a prerogative upon which they will ever insist. They may have a willing heart, but will never accede to terms of capitulation without the gentle solicitation of a lover. Courtship is the most happy period of a lady’s life, and to prolong its dalliance is but to expand the rich resources of social pleasure. If difference of opinion should arise, all due respect should be paid in the discussion, and every allowance made for the influence of education. Every lady has a pet subject, as religion, politics, woman’s rights, or household economy, upon which she will not compromise her opinion for those of any other person, and when she launches out with her self-instilled ideas upon either of these favorite topics, let her achieve the victory, and in being conqueror she is more effectually vanquished. Ladies abhor arguments and metaphysics, and if indulged in at all should be with the most gentle courtesy, and no exultation of triumph should ever be manifested in the discussion.
A young man has been known to lose a good chance of getting a pretty, intelligent and rich wife, by exercising too freely his debative faculties. Every man should have firm and fixed principles, upon all subjects, but should not insist too strongly upon universal compliance with his own peculiar dogmas. Upon some subjects ladies take great pride in exhibiting their knowledge, and upon a point so tender care should be used not to trespass upon their vanity. Some aspire to familiarity with subjects beyond the scope of female education, and if flattered for her moral courage in thus transcending the prescribed limits of conventional society, a warm friend will be made of one before indifferent. Courtesy should never descend into sycophancy, or the contemptible flattery so commonly practiced in fashionable society.
By gentleness is meant all absence from rough uncouth deportment, as harsh sarcastic language, used to gratify wounded pride or personal pique. A woman scorned is an inveterate enemy; her affections may be strong, her attachment may be riveted to the object of her devotion, but if neglected or treated with contempt they will dissolve and reunite to more congenial particles. The most successful young men in female society are those who observe the principal rules of etiquette, and never utter a sentiment known to be unpleasant to any member of his company. Modest and gentle, earnest and persesevering, is a motto, if followed, an almost certain means of success. Every lady has the right to choose her own company, and if any particular individual should be unwelcome, it is the duty of him who intrudes to meet the cold reception, not with vindictive retaliation, but with becoming dispassionate indifference. If she be no longer a lover you may retain her as a friend. It is better that such be the case, for when a girl has been courted by a gentleman, she has every advantage, and can use her power to advance his cause with another, or ruin his prospects. An unpolished man, of all others, is the most unwelcome visitor in refined society. He renders himself not only repugnant, but a perpetual dread to his friends, who are apprehensive that he will commit some ridiculous act to the annoyance of all around him. It is well to be dignified and independent, but it should not overleap itself and fall on the other side. To be great is to possess the requisites of a great man. Te be haughty is to assume the possession of meritorious qualities, of which few can boast. Self-esteem is the most noble faculty of the human mind; it renders a man too proud to do an act unworthy of his position; it gives manly independence and depth of soul not known to cringing insignificance, and if combined with friendship and benevolence, adds kindness and condescension. Spirit, life and animation are indispensable to the accomplishments of a gentleman: but this vivacity should not overstep the bounds of modesty. Familiarity has produced more disastrous results in courtship than any other cause so unimportant in itself. It is disgusting to be the subject of constant flattery. It is supremely contemptible to kneel to a lady under any circumstances whatever; and to kiss her hand is as humiliating to a true gentleman as to kiss the great Pontiff's big toe; and one who thus humbles himself, soon loses the esteem of his lady lover. To surrender without a struggle, lessens the glory of the victor; and to offer your heart and hand upon the recurrence of every casual opportunity, is to be a ready subject of coquetry. Be kind, attentive and loving, without ostentation, and you can easily win a woman's heart.
Old maids, like old bachelors, deserve little compassion from the world, for they must be either deserted coquettes, or were denied by nature the social qualities supposed to be innate in the mental constitution of every human being. All mankind were endowed with certain faculties, and among these, was love of domestic bliss; and those who refuse compliance with pre-requisite conditions, must renounce all social pleasures, and only enjoy the imperfect fragments of human happiness. Those who claim the protection of society, should equally contribute to its maintenance; and those who seek protection in another's family, solicits beneficence which natural obligations impels to mutual extension.
Youth should be spent in the cultivation of the mind and in the acquisition of those qualities necessary to become a useful member of society. The bloom of womanhood should be spent in the superintendence of household economy, instead of whiling away the vigor of life and health in ball-room flirtations and senseless coquetry. All transgressions of natural law induce a consequent penalty; and sensibly must be felt the sin of her who stands isolated amid the glowing warmth of universal sympathy: with none to love, none to cheer, and none to caress: whose gentle smile would turn darkness into day, and convert life into one perennial sunshine of social happiness.
Alone she stands like a statue! Cold and heartless as an icicle! Once the admiration of the circle in which she moved — once like a brilliant star, with her many satellites, she eclipsed her lesser rivals, and swept through mighty space without competition. As time rolled on, haughty pride seized her mind, and one by one of her beaux ceased to shine. Conscience, no longer her faithful monitor, refused to act, until her social heaven became involved in perpetual darkness. In the foggy mists of misery she gropes, taunted with the eternal clank of “no,” tingling in her ears. Once the buoyant, the beautiful, the happy maid, now the deserted, the heartless, the pale-faced old spinster. There is another class’ of old maids, however, who like awkward old bachelors, deserve more compassion. They have spent their lives in retired seclusion, until ther blooming cheeks have lost their rose tint hue; their sparkling eyes have lost their fire, and the sweet intonation of their voice ceased to charm. These are qualities concomitant alone with youth, and if the fair opportunity be unimproved, time will sweep these charms away and leave her, once the adoration of her sex, bereft of all the rich foliage that distinguishes the young and beautiful girl from the forlorn old maid.
It is not always the destitution of social qualities that induces a life of single blessedness. It is proverbial that old maids make good wives, not only from a fastidious taste and systematic love of order, but from a peculiarly sensitive organization and instinctive proclivities for business pursuits. Economy is characteristic of an old maid. Although querulous, cold, fretful and disquiet under the depreciation of an unjust society, yet, if aroused by the appeal of a sincere lover, no sympathy could be more strong, no love more devoted. Circumstances make great men, and the same rule is applicable to matrimony. Woman is prone to cling to first-love, and if her suitor should procrastinate or dally with her affections, she will discard all other opportunities, in pursuit of a phantom.
Perfection does not exist among men; and she who expends her time in search of such, will live to be a disappointed old maid.
PERPETUITY OF LOVE.
To fall in love is an easy matter, but to perpetuate it through life, with the same endearing attention paid to each other during the sweet hours of courtship, requires studied thought and involves philosophic principles, which few understand. Parties sometimes meet through the intrigue of relatives or by accident, pass compliments, and having nothing else to do, imagine themselves in love; but after reflection and better acquaintance, by constant association, faculties which before lav dormant are called into action, and being by nature repugnant to each other cause a mutual dissatisfaction. To minds similarly constituted in some respects, and widely differing in others, by circumstances are sometimes brought together. When these faculties which harmonize are most active, then it is all love and devotion, but if the discordant elements should be called forth, then electrical repulsion takes place, and domestic troubles will be the result. As if two persons agree in every other respect save in religion, then harmony will exist between them until that subject be discussed, when all sympathy will be smothered with the confusion of opposing elements. Difce of opinion upon subjects involving passion, dice, or those which strongly enlist the feelings individual, should be maturely weighed before ing into the bonds of matrimony. Differences ste, order and beauty, should also be a subject pious consideration. When lovers quarrel, it is dication that some chord does not vibrate in n with nature. And if it recurs too frequently, negotiation had better be terminated by final action; as natural dissention can never be heal legal ties.
sentiments and feelings commingle in harmoni-oncert, love will be perpetual and constancy indissolubly the loving pair.
that case it needs no assistance from friends, — ed or parental persuasion, but kindles, blazes mourns by virtue of its own intuitive composition, liancc based upon selfish motives, without re-
to mutual affinities, can never result in per-al concord. Constancy is the union of two , linked together by ties of love and sympathy. n its practical and more general acceptation, is tual promise to love each other, until more y can be made by a different enterprise, or
some third party can, by chemical affinity, attract one of the lovers into a new combination. Constancy should be the unbroken cohesion of like particles, wrapped up in its own creation; but in the fashionable world, is the temporary adhesion of antipodal substances wrought together in speculation.
Precipitate impetuosity, hasty conclusions, and dogmatical assumptions, often alienate the affections of lovers before each has studied the others character. Every suitor to a lady’s hand should endeavor to affiliate his mind with that of his companion. Before mutual confidence has been established by associations, the mind repels impetuous or hasty advances. Confidence can only be inspired by truth and veracity. Dissembling and equivocation, through false pride, or to maintain a false position in society, is as contemptible as dishonorable. To deceive by misrepresentations of facts, of ever so little importance, is an indication of an insignificant and worthless mind. To lie is a crime, to quibble is a misdemeanor, neither of which did ever confirm a lover. Praise where merit is due; never let a word escape to wound the sensibilities of any one, and if love ever existed it will be perpetual.
MARRY NO WOMAN WHO SLEEPS TILL BREAKFAST.
To rise early and quaff the invigorating air of morn, gives a gentle glow to the spirits of the weary, exhilarates the mind, and induces prosperity. To rise ere the sun has made his appearance in the east; to wander o’er the green woods, through grassy fields, and down the side of a murmuring brook; to sit alone and listen to the humming waters, with mystic undertone, gladdens the soul in the buoyant Spring of youth, and adds a gentle throb to the saddened heart of a lover. At the dawn of day all nature seems revived by rest, the mind is more clear, the perceptions quicker and all the faculties of man better prepared for the laborious duties of the day than at any subsequent period. As the twig is bent, so the tree is inclined; as the girl is raised, so will she be in womanhood and he who does not wish a lazy wife, had better never marry a girl who sleeps till breakfast. Of all the domestic evils that exist, there are none more perplexing or vexatious than the stupid habits of women to sleep till the sun has traversed half the sky before they awake to the consciousness of day. To them is looked for examples of active and industrious habits; but in them, when too late, we are often disappointed. When this most propitious hour is spent in the dull slumbers of indolence, and when the burning heat of noon has crept over the benign senses of the mind and stupefied the physical energies of the person, lethargy resumes its sway, and sinks its possessor into stupid languor. To marry a girl whose greatest pleasure is to nap and snooze between sunrise and breakfast, and when up, pores over love-sick stories and disgusting novels, is to lay the foundation of a life characteristic of cease-less annoyance and perpetual unhappiness. Of all the good qualities of a wife, that of industry stands preeminent in rank, whose judicious superintendence and watchful care has accumulated more fortunes than was ever heaped up by the untiring perseverance of a husband.
To rise early induces the necessity of retiring at an early hour. If instead of burning gas and oil, we would substitute in its place the more brilliant rays of the sun, we would achieve greater ends, and be a more enlightened and happy people. The numberless decayed constitutions, injured eye sight and moping invalids, daily to be seen, is a practical illustration, that to keep late hours at night is breach of a natural law, and that law is indubitable and unyielding. The lady who thinks it beneath her rank and position to rise and breakfast before eleven o’clock, has a better opinion of her own worth than those gifted with more industrious habits. Sleep at night, as was intended by nature, and rise by the time it is light, and success will crown your efforts.
Of all the evils in society none are more prejudicial to individual happiness than procrastination. In the history of the world, we learn that kings, empires and nations, have fallen by the procrastination of a single hour.
In society, we see by daily observation young men fold their arms in mental vacuity, and putting off till a more convenient time, matters of the gravest importance. In courtship, few ladies who have a selection from many suitors will wait for any one lover to determine and redetermine that which ought to have been done at first. A lady may be ever so much in love, yet will not suffer one who is too faint-hearted to declare himself or to trifle with her affections. To love, decide, pop the question and marry in a month, is a laconic courtship. If all were gifted with intuitive perception, no procrastinating dalliance would be necessary to ascertain if the advancing parties were suited to each other. But from the imperfection of human nature, we must alternately attract and repel, advance and fall back, progress and recede, until the spirit of the most indomitable is wearied by the action, and cross action of conflicting elements. When a lady has waited for the declaration of a lover beyond all endurance, she will likely accept the first advantageous offer, and be right in so doing. Love, like banking, should be reduced to a system, and he who idly lavishes away his time and suffers protest, should be placed with old bachelors, in the vocabulary of insolvent debtors.
Judicious plans and prompt execution distinguishes the great mind. If the original scheme should prove a failure, the projector is ready to correct mistakes and begin again. In an age of progress like this, we must look well to contingencies, and see that want of moral courage is not the cause of our discomfiture. Two individuals may begin the world at the same time; one be prompt with his engagements, while the other is neglectful of solemn promises; as time decides the success of each, the first will rise to wealth and distinction, while his procrastinating neighbor will sink to deserved oblivion.
Friendship is the most estimable quality of the human mind it attracts and adheres to fellow associates by intuition, and is ever ready to extend a helping hand to those who need it. Those fortunately endowed with this peculiar mental faculty are agreeable companions, affectionate husbands, and worthy members of society. It gives a gentle glow to the countenance, a hearty welcome to a friend, and a strong shake of the hand. When he laughs it is with all his soul; when he speaks it is with an earnest sincerity that incites a mutual love in the breasts of his companions. It adds pathos to his words, fire to his eye, and gladdens all around him by kindness and condescension. If combined with benevolence and justice it will appreciate a good deed and never suffer merit to go unrewarded. No dark thoughts or mysterious secrets are locked up in his breast from confiding friends, but a free, open and communicative mind characterize his course through life. How much more transcendent is the superiority of the man whose sympathies take within its scope the whole human race, than one whose narrow conceptions never look beyond his own immediate interests. Politeness, in its purity, is but an external manifestation of true friendship; but when mixed with the baser passions of the mind, is but an instrument of deception. There is an instinctive language understood and appreciated between all true friends. No interpreter is requisite, no mediator necessary to be reinstated in each others confidence. Friendship is as indispensable to the success of a great man as caloric to heat, or as light to day. It wields a mighty influence over the minds of men, and collects into a unit ten thousand difl'erent interests. Such a faculty in a woman makes a fond mother, a devoted wife, and an affectionate companion. She is kind, conciliating in all her intercourse with the world. She holds her attachment sacred, and loves for the sake of the object upon which it is placed. Of all the relations that exist between man and his fellow creature, there is none more noble, more exalted and more lofty than the confiding love which one friend entertains for another.
No evil ever existed more stupendous in its results than intemperance. She who contracts an alliance with a man whose first thought at the dawn of day is a sherry cobbler, or a brandy cocktail, only weds herself to a life of misery. She, whose husband has no other forethought but to provide his bedside with ice water to quench his thirst at night, when champagne has ceased to burn, may have received her value in gold, but does not, in return, possess a priceless jewel. It is no consolation to reflect that he is only a gentlemanly tippler, for none commence otherwise; but as soon as small drams cease to stimulate, an increased quantity will be added. A drankard is unfit for business, unfit to love, and unfit for the duties of a husband. He is no more sensitive to the attachments of a loving companion, than a porcupine to the penetration of a dart. His God, his country, his family and friends, in one compendious whole, would be bartered to gratify his insatiate thirst for drink. A lady would do better to marry a man of less brilliant intellect than one subject to the slightest inebriation. Evil induces its consequent until ruin is the inevitable result. Young men should be equally careful never to marry a wine bibbling girl. She may never take so much as to over balance her mental equilibrium yet it is indelicate and disgusting to see a lady gulping down the poison draught. She may be a beauty — may possess illimitable wealth, may occupy the first rank in society and may adorn the literary circle with the proportions of her educated mind — yet to drink and reel over a bottle of wine is no evidence that she ever been gifted with a high-toned morality essential to the perfect female character. The mind by nature properly balanced, craves no artificial stimulant. The lady who lolls her afternoons and is stupefied by wine at dinner, is as literally drunk as the man who sleeps from the effects of brandy by the light of the moon in the open common.
“My motto is, and shall ever be —
Teetotality or no wife for me.”
Every man is endowed by nature with an in faculty of conscientiousness which considers determines all questions of right and wrong between individuals. In the present state of society, with commerce and wealth of a nation is dependent on the common honesty of man, it is essential to its sucessful progress that he should have an instinctive npting to acts of justice. When we take a view the civilized world, it is with astonishment that behold the unbounded confidence which one man senses in another. The merchant of New York, Liverpool or London, will entrust his fortune in the hands of a stranger in San Francisco, with the conditial assurance that he will return him, at some future time, the whole capital stock with interest, here were no faculty to regulate the rights of individuals, commerce would become stagnant, and mutual exchange of property become as burdensome as entailments under the old feudal system, reputation of being an honest man, is a fortune eveloped; and if the confidence it inspires be conceived to advantageous purposes, will lead to wealth and prosperity. Small trickery and deception may be momentary satisfaction, but the upright and best tradesman has not only the clear consciousness of never having wronged his neighbors, but reap the reward due his honest efforts. Let him stand at the helm and virtue reign supreme, There is nothing that will lower a man more in estimation of a community than tricks and subtle devices to defraud another in a commercial transaction. To take advantage of an individual’s necessity, and compel him to pay more for a commodity than its intrinsic value, is anything but honest. Custom may sanction such a course — conscience may be lulled to sleep by the love of gain — but all uoble-hearted men will point the finger of scorn, and designate him by the detested name of Shylock. Honesty gives dignity and weight of character, dignity and weight gives position, position gives influence; and by the influence of friends you may get a rich wife.
Gambling, like drunkeuness, is an evil without a remedy. Few confirmed drunkards ever prove to be sober men; and still less likely is a gambler to relinquish his old habits of casting the last dollar upon a single die. Brandy by constant use becomes an ingredient of the physical constitution; and gambling, by long continued habit, becomes as essential to the happiness of the individual as light to the eye, or religion to the pious. When an excited gambler has risked and lost his all’ at a game of cards, it requires more moral courage than the great majority of men poeses to resist the temptation of prolonging the game, and make a last desperate effort to recover his lost fortune. Gambling is not peculiar to any class of society; the peasant is as much absorbed in the prospect of five cents gain as the merchant prince to win a half million dollars. Young men who wish the esteem and confidence of their fellow men should avoid the gaming saloon. It is often the case that from the force of circumstances young men are induced to engage in a game of cards; and this being once known, they conceive their reputation to be lost, which being their only incentive to morality and virtue, they plunge headlong into a bottomless abyss of ruin and depravity. This, however, is a mistake; it is an easy undertaking to reestablish a reputation by a strict adherence to moral principles. An heiress is as reluctant to entrust her fortune to one who has no appreciation of its value, as the parent by whose economy and industry it was accumulated.
Passion sometimes outweighs every other consideration, and immense sums fall into the hands of a spendthrift; but these remarkable cases are too uncommon upon which to base the prospects of future wealth. If a young man be sober, discreet iudustrious and economical, there is no ordinary obstacle that can prevent the attainment of the great object in life, ease and competency.
This being a subject so delicately interwoven in all classes of refined society, and one upon which men are so exceedingly sensitive, it will be dismissed with the single suggestion — that the surest plan to get a rich wife is to satisfy her, as well as her guardian, that you are not only capable and competent to protect her fortune, but by nature you have no inclination to squander it by reckless gambling.
Moral courage is the great motive power that prompts men to the achievement of great and noble deeds. Without it his good or bad qualities would never be manifested, and like the negative properties of galvanism, have to be surcharged with absolute necessity, or else the individual will sink into oblivion.
But a man imbued with mental vivacity imparts the electric fire to all around him, and by a single burst of eloquence, may hold enchanted upon his lips, a multitude of anxious listeners. A great man will put a whole nation in commotion by the revolution of his transcendent mind. He seems to emit an ethereal blaze that illumes at a distance, and spreads ideate enthusiasm throughout the community. He warps the minds of men in wild amazement through alternate hope, fear, and the ten thousand passions that sway the human breast. Few men have true moral courage. It does not consist in the exercise of physical power to crush the rights of others, but in the embodiment of modern progression, and the instinctive promptings of the mind to dip to the bot tommost strata of natures hidden mysteries. To see a boy seeking companionship with superiors, is an evidence that moral courage impels him to grasp and contemplate more lofty themes than one whose groveling mind sinks to the common level of bis meanest associates. Consciousness of personal merit, and onward perseverance, will command respect in others, and secure success through life. He who makes large pretensions to knowledge, like the plaintiff who claims pecuniary damages for defamation, should run up his figures to double the amount he expects to obtain. Society is so constituted, and men are so educated, that if an individual depreciates his own merits, no one will undertake to exalt him.
Alexander the Great merited the title he so justly won. In the primitive organization of society, physical courage was indispensable to the accomplishment of those great objects so easily achieved by him. Bat in the present state of social progress, such a mind would be a corse to the world. More lofty intellects, more high-toned morality is requisite to revolationize the minds of men, and merit the name of great. Such men as Sir Isaac Newton, Liebig, Franklin and Agassiz, by the great lever of science would accomplish more towards the enlightenment of the human race than ten thousand warriors,, armed from tip to toe, with swords and rapiers. To fail in a great enterprize, is to pay for experience, which, when bought, is but a stepping stone or a single round in the great ladder of fame that reaches from obscurity to the highest honors in the gift of man.
Antiperistasis is the result of a great mind when opposed by the common obstacles of human life. When others seem to sink beneath the oppressive weight of competition, let moral courage resume it — legitimate office and incite the weary and despondent aspirant to new deeds of glory and valor.
THE BALL ROOM,
The mundane sphere of human depravity and perfidy — the perennial olympiad of heartless coqetry, and the everlasting precinct of iniquity, could exhibit the vocabulary of injured innocence and broken hearts caused by flirtations in the ballroom; or if we could picture in glowing colors the innumerable victims of disappointed aspirations, it would make the most obdurate mind and blinded votary to vice shrink from the sight. In search of happiness we seize present pleasures, and heedless of future consequences, roll on the tide of fortune till breakers lift their resistless head, and having no permanent element on which to keep good — luck afloat, the sad wreck of all prospective happiness is inevitable.
Tears of regret may flow — repentant sighs may disturb the quiet equanimity of his breast, but too late to advert the impending evil. It is no place to make love; it is no place to perpetuate it; and it is no place to choose a companion, or contract an alliance.There is such rivalship, and so many trifling circumstances tending to ruffle the feelings of lovers, that it is impossible to enjoy the anticipated pleasures.
The social review and friendly companionship may call forth our most pleasing wits, but the competition and consequent disappointed ambition, will produce depression of spirits far exceeding the happiness derived from so contingent a source. If a young man be wealthy, gay and graceful in his movements, with no intellect or any natural endowment to distinguish him, he may, with propriety, indulge in all the revelries of ball-room flirtation. But for him upon whom fortune never smiled, without friendly influence to make his debut in sociely, by tripping the light fantastic toe, is as impolitic and ridiculous, as the Chinese Emperor who sought to frighten an English army by the clatter of drama and gongs. Balls were instituted to furnish an opportunity for silly young men and idle girls to associate and entertain each other, by hopping, skipping and jumping round and round like children in a nursery, rather than tax their brain to the contemplation of more serious subjects. Children play for want of enployment, and men dance for want of capacity to think. The exercises induced by dancing is a mere excuse, as shallow as it is unfounded; for the same parties will sleep in mental stupor for weeks after a night of dissipation. The innumeni-ble number of love matches that have been broken off by imprudent flirtations in the ball-room, should guard every young man against its tempting influence.
NEVER COMPETE WITH A RICH MAN.
“A rival — rich and great, and wooing uncontrolled,
Whom you and all creation can't keep from getting the girl.”
The glittering gold, the sparkling diamond, the princely paliaee, are the greatest and most formidable rivals with which a poor young man has to contend. Intellect, morality and the highest social qualities, will avail nothing in competition with a rich man’s son. A learned Adonis, or perfect adept in love, must sink to insignificance beneath the overwhelming power of gold. You may have won her affection, you may have her hand betrothed, but if a rich man calls her to his side, she will obey the summons. There is such a magic charm in gold, there is such taste displayed in that splendid carriage and beautiful bays, that magnificent residence and train of servants, that she had sooner resist the imperial mandates of a sovereign, than refuse such grandeur. Although she may have loved with all her heart, plighted her troth with tears of sincerity, and vowed never to wed another; yet, when a rich man lays his wealth at her feet, and offers his protecting hand vanity and ambition asserts their supremacy, and impels her to yield to the alluring temptation. It is true that a man of wealth, but an ignoramus in intellect, and notoriously profligate in morals, may unsuccessfully compete with a poor young man; but in all such cases the disparity must be so great, that no lady would be justified in thus uniting with one so far beneath the common level of virtue and morality. We know young men of property who associate with ladies of the first rank in life, and who intermarry in the most aristocratic families of the country, whose moral habits are so reprehensible and so dissolute, that if their parents did not possess wealth to sustain their respectability, would be hurled, like Lucifer from paradise, to the infernal regions of social depravity. But let there be only a slight difference in other respects, the balance of mental capacity weighing in favor of the poor man, and even rich girls, who do not stand in need of further accumulation, will accept the proffered wealth, not from avarice, but from incapacity to judge of real merit, and an unwillingness to stem the popular current. He who luxuriates in wealth and afiuence lives but to be admired, honored and praised by all. Every act is noted with precision, every virtue is magnified ten thousand times, and adjusted in the great kaleidescope of public opinion, and made to reflect back its immense proportions to the admiring gaze of a parasitic world.
“At length to fortune and to you,
Delusive hope, a last adieu;
The charm that once beguiled is o'er,
And I have reached my destined shore.
Away, away your flattering arts
May now betray some simple hearts;
Bacchus shall bid my winter bloom,
And Venus dance me to the tomb.”
A beautiful fece, symmetrical figure, sparkling eyes, sweet pathetic voice and graceful motions, constitute the great attractive powers of a coquette. She is pleasing in conversation, winning in manners, and so effectually draws the willing veil of deception o’er her victim, that all future efforts to dispel the charm will be in vain. She entices by a loving look, entrances by a magic spell of social eloquence, and so captivates her unsuspecting lover, that he, with flushed hopes of success, rushes into the field of competition, to learn with astonishment that he could easier leap and pluck bright honor from the moon, than grasp the prize he sought. Smiles and caresses, lavishly given, are no evidence of a conquest in love. A coquette is known in the ball-room by an affected toss of the head, by an independent swinging walk, and by her untiring energies to attract all within her own circle and carry within her train an innumerable host of admirers, who succumb to every nod indicative of her pleasure, and who, like butterflies on a thorny rose, each in turn has his wings clipped, and deserts the field of contest saddened and broken-hearted. She is the star of the social circle, the undaunted Yenus who conquers as she moves, and sweeps in her uninterrupted course both unsuspecting youth and blushing innocence; she sings like a mocking bird, dances like a fairy, and sets upon her undisputed throne with the majesty of a queen. The bloom of the plum is unbroken upon her cheek, and all the blossoms of youthful innocence are flowering and flourishing around her, and her every intonation falls sweetly upon the ear like the dulcet notes of the Eolian harp. She seems to have been formed, through the prodigality of nature, to show mankind the perfection of her sex. Her eye beams forth with that love which awakens a new thrill of joy in all who come within her influence; it calls out the intellect, and arouses every mental energy to the highest attainment of pleasurable emotion. This is the transcendant approximation to the highest peak of delusive fame that aspiring female ambition can ever attain.
But when time has gently glided by and east a shade o'er her once rosy cheek; when lovers no longer seek her smiles or ask her love; or when some overpowering flirt has touched her heart with the finger of deception, she then like a truant, in bitter tears weeps in despair, regretting the time spent in wanton coquetry. Young men otherwise gifted with a most estimable character, are often guilty of idly trifling with the affections of girls. It is not only reprehensible and ungentlemanly to engage the heart of a lady with no serious intention of ever consummating a promise so solemnly made, but it is unwise and impolitic. When a man has deceived one lady who devotedly loves him, no other who is acquainted with his history, will so far confide in his protestations as even to give them a moments serious consideration. Perfidy in love is as ignominious as bad faith in a civil contract. Flirtation not only blunts the affections to the softer sentiments of a man's nature, but is immoral and contemptible. It requires dissimulation to overreach and secure the affections of a coquette. The latent fires of love are often soothed and pacified by the constant attentions of a suitor; but let him fly to another, and jealousy will stir up the burning timbers, and the once cold indifferent lover will be re-animated, and resume her rights by an unconditional concession. It sometimes happens that young ladies early pledge themselves to their first love under several years engagement, and then rush into society resolved to deceive and coquette every man who may unsuspectingly confide in their veracity. Some are disappointed in their first choice by parental opposition, and resolve to ruin the happiness of every young man over whom they may have an influence. If the causes of drunkenness and moral depravity could be penetrated and exhibited in a panoramic review to the world, it would almost invariably trace its origin to some soulless and unscrupulous coquette. There are young men in every community who are consuming their lives and youthful energies by wine, to quench and drown the melancholy reflections of some recent flirtation. It is the duty of every young lady when she discovers a decided attachment in her lover, if it be not her intention to accept his proposition, to induce a declaration and then give a positive and unconditional refusal. This will preclude any further hope ; and the man, if one of dignity and independence, will look to other sources for domestic happiness. But how often is it the ease that he is suspended between hope and fear for years, awaiting, perhaps, the result of other negotiations with some less attainable prize; until the poor dupe from buffeted use becomes as worthless as he is contemptible.
INFLUENCE OF FAMILY.
Genius, like a rare plant, sometimes springs up and blossoms like the rose in Summer — emits its sweet fragrance all around, then withers and dies with a single generation.
Again it appears like a bright star in a constellation of a long line of illustrious ancestry, and radiates the twinkling scintillations of its glory and renown on future ages. With Socrates lived and died the name of his family, while a Napoleon Bonaparte is but the root of a great tree whose branches may yet o'ershadow the whole European Continent. It is an inclination too generally prevalent, for young men to seek a connection with old established families, not from natural choice or mental adaptation, but to gratify a weak and insipid ambition. It may be pleasing to the vain young man to boast of renowned ancestry and aristocratic family associations, but it is still more glorious to be the founder of such a family. The lady with blooming cheeks, buoyant physical constitution and vivid intellect, yet of humble parentage, is as superior in intrinsic worth to the indolent belle whose forefathers have lived in luxuriant splendor, as the rich foliage of a half grown tree is more beautiful than the spontaneous shoots around a great oak, rift by nature of its green growing branches. The young man whose path through life is lighted by the sparkling blaze of his own genius, is as superior to him whose only virtue is to be a rich man's child, as the perennial beams of the noonday sun exceeds in brillianey the effervescent glimmerings of oxygenate phosphorous. The one is characterized by a sturdy growth from youth to manhood, while the other brings op the grand finale of a noble family in bacchanalian revelry. It requires great moral courage and superior mental perception to enable a lady to discover merit in obscurity, to pry out the hidden powers of an untried young man, face public disapprobation and marry him in preference to his rival, reared in the lap of wealth, and whose easy course through life has been marked by caressing smiles. It is, however, sometimes done, and in nearly all such cases the successful competitor in matrimony outstrips his silver-pated rival in every other enterprize in which intellect is the test of power. If morality, intelligence and high social endowments is the standard by which family worth should be estimated, then too much trouble could not be exerted to secure its influence. But to pay tribute to wealth and its incidental accompaniments, when connected through generations with a large family, without due regard to the more noble sentiments of the mind, is unworthy the ambition of a man. Hereditary transmission of peculiarities is regulated by fixed and certain laws of nature; and if one or both parents should possess in an eminent degree any faculties having an immoral tendency, it will reappear either in the child or some other member of the succeeding generation. By living in a moral atmosphere and without temptation to do wrong, it may be smothered and concealed for a time; but when circumstances call forth its latent energies, it will spring up and develop a monster to the astonishment of society. Great weight, however, should be given to femily stock where it is noted for the higher and more noble qualities of veracity, truth and honor.
PART THE SECOND
BLISS OF MARRIAGE.
HOW TO GET A RICH WIFE.
Wealth! Who can withstand its tempting power? The palace, the park, the garden with its rich foliage of nature adorned by art, the farm, the green growing cane, all tend to arouse man's devising genius to be its happy possessor. You may call it avarice, covetousness, or what you may, it still will impel the ambitious mind to reach that station in life that will enable him to possess it. To behold such luxuries, such unbounded sphere for social happiness, such sources of interminable pleasures, and then say who would not burn the midnight lamp, and tread the unbroken paths of mental labor to acquire such a fortune. To be rich and great is the midday thoughts and midnight dreams of every youth. It is a stupendous conception ! Stirring thoughts flash through his untutored mind, and the bright future glides before him like the unruffled waves of a gentle stream. But innumerable difficulties soon rise in the distance, and like a mountain overshadow the surrounding dale, and the once hopeful aspirant moves with a slow and uncertain step amid the impending darkness. Imagination supplants reality, and he mopes in the regions of despair, conjectures impossibilities, pictures haughty belles with curling lips of contempt as they sweep along the broad road to fashion. He magnifies in glowing colors their position, rank and superiority, until the mind sinks beneath the overwhelming power that bears down upon it. He then silently reflects upon his own merits, and finds virtue and intelligence stand preeminent; and ambition the great motive power to all noble deeds infuse a fire that burns the stronger from being pent up, and possesses all save wealth to be equal with the great nobility of the age.
To such young men, and such only, will it be our effort to open the doors to personal merit without distinction of rank or fortune. Kich girls are ever in a dilemma. They must either risk being deceived by deliberate fortune hunters, or they must marry equal with themselves. Few men with ample fortunes possess any other merit: which reduces a choice from that source to such slender proportions that many ladies are compelled to select indifferent companions, or fall back upon a class among whom temptation may exert too great an influence. Let the unmistakable impulses of love donate the hand to its kindred mate, and the danger of deception need no longer be apprehended. It is not our intention to entrap any jewelled miss, by art and device, bat to open, as the radiant light of day a clear front to merit and genius.
First, select a profession, whether lawyer, tradesman, mechanic or any other vocation, and prosecute it with industry and a determined perseverance. It may not be lucrative nor furnish leisure to associate in gay circles of society, but the examples of industry are more potent than any other introduction a young man could have to the community. The endorsement of business men is more elevating and will enable a young man to command a greater influence than could ever be attained by the most polished education in ball-room accomplishments.
Permanent locality is another essential ingredient in the first great prerequisite in the attainment of a rich wife. Solidity of character is best manifested by a stable habitation. Itinerancy in citizenship is an indication of fickle indecision; and he who undertakes to erect a fortune upon so dubious a basis, will live to see his fabrication vanish into nonentity. When the interests of a man is identified with the community in which he lives, it is presumed he will do more to establish and maintain his reputation than one who seeks temporary gain and profit, and if dishonor should over reach him can prepare and vamose in the twinkling of light to some unkiiown and foreign land. Man is like a kite, he requires weight to ballast and buoy him up to higher and more aerial climes. It gives credit, inspires confidence to know the destiny of a man is fixed and immoveable by the accumulation of real property. We will now presume our candidate to the honors of a wealthy benedict, is honest, industrious, diligent and respected by all who surround him. This being the foundation of all true greatness, ho is prepared to enter society with honor and success.
MANNER OF INTRODUCTION.
From the many varied phases of human society and the many contingent circumstances under which young persons may first meet with propriety, it is impossible to set forth any definite rules by which they should be governed. It may happen that friends and relatives conceive and execute numerous devices to bring together parties without their previous knowledge or concurrence. If taken by surprize in such cases, good sense must dictate the rules of etiquette most proper to pursue. If, however, a young man has a fixed purpose to seek and obtain an introduction to a selected prize, it is well that he should know the best means to accomplish that object with the least trouble and embarrassment. Fashionable watering resorts, ball-rooms and private residences are the three principal places of seeking first acquaintance. The lady who visits a fashionable resort and throws out inducements to be courted, need not be surprised if she be caught by the intricate manoeuvering of some fortune hunter. Self aggrandizement is one of the motive powers of human sagacity; and if a temptation should be thrust in the face of the most upright, it may prove an overpowering force and induce him to make propositions which might ultimately terminate in matrimony. Self-denial is a virtue which few possess, and to evade the allurements of beauty and wealth concentrated in a fair demoiselle, is a stoicism hardly to be found at the present day. At a watering place young persons are more upon terms of equality, aristocratie grades are obliterated, interchange of thought more common, and general intercourse more freely indulged. To walk at evening's dawn throng woodland groves, to contemplate pictaresqne scenery, or to stroll by the light of the moon on the sea shore and watch the twinkling stars as they glow in conscioas majesty, talk to yoar fair companion of absent friends, home and kindred, or chat in sweet accents of first love, will thrill the soul with extatic raptares and entwine around the sensitive heart tender sympathies that no power can break asunder. If a young man be endowed with a goodly share of impertinence, fine address and fashionable predilections, it would not be amiss to make his first appearance in the ball-room. The masses of mankind are not peculiarly gifted with wisdom, and ladies are often captivated by a pretty foot, curling ringlets, and soft delicate hands, as by the more substantial properties of an intellectual mind. If a fickle, insipid and superficial mind be the prevailing characteristics of your lady — love, then she should be met in her own element and on her own platform. As a ball-room acquaintance, by the common rules of etiquette, is not afterwards recognized, it is a very imperfect mode of procedure, and would be better substituted by seeking the lady at her private residence.
The still quietude of home throws around the pleasing meditations of youth a delighful charm, and prepares the mind to receive the sweet impress of love and friendship. In the sanctuary of private retiracy where no bustling crowd intrudes, where rivalship meets no incentive to impel its reckless course, and where all is lulled to peace and quiet, is of all places the most appropriate to eliminate the sparkling fires of love and receive in turn the electro — darts of sweet devotion. As first impressions are said to be the most lasting, it is better to be indorsed by some man of weighty character in society, which will secure a kind reception and give opportunities to display those qualities most likely to attract the object of your choice. Well! we will now suppose you are in the presence of your lady — love. What must first be done? If she be proud, haughty and rich, stand upon your dignity. If intellectual, introduce literary subjects and glide modestly down the stream of science. Every lady is more or less vain of a superior mind, and if disappointed in her attempts to exhibit literary attainments, feels an unpleasant chagrin at your unappreciative faculties. If a modest reserve and comparative silence id advisable at any time, it certainly is on a first introduction.
Familiarity and impertinent liberties, so commonly taken by young men not well versed in the rules of etiquette, are unpardonable where the lady is scarcely less than a stranger. Every occasion must suggest the most interesting topics to be discussed, varying from solemnity to levity, as the lady may possess depth of intellect, or be inclined to indulge in the review of silly subjects.
A good joke well told will erase any sense of embarrassment that might exist, but, at the same time, is a dangerous expedient, and should be pursued to a very limited extent. It may create merriment, but to indulge incessantly in the propensity to make others laugh soon degenerates into the reputation of a witty clown. Some ladies are more reserved and retiring in their intercourse with society, and with such it becomes necessary to lead in conversation, but, under all circumstances, they should be allowed and tendered the privilege to talk at least one half the time spent in their company. How often do we see, in every day life, young ladies make repeated efforts to speak in common conversation, but at every attempt are hushed and drowned by the perpetual clatter of a brainless youth, whose tongue puns like a wheel-barrow over a stony bridge with lightning speed. When persons are pleased with their own performance they are always pleased with those they entertain.
ROMANOE is the poetry of every courtship, and to enliven and heighten its beauty by dalliance, it is necessary to avoid the great common fault of visiting too often.
Love and indifference are based, upon the two antipodal principles in nature, of attraction and repulsion. When two persons, being comparative strangers, meet and contrast opinions, and find them to conflict, nothing but time and mutual concession will ever induce integration and a harmonious commingling of ultimate principles. Sound discretion alone, under each particular circumstance, can judge and determine how often the company of a suitor is welcome. Some ladies require a great deal of attention, while others prefer to be left alone to their own meditations. Intuition is a safe monitor, and when the last conversation was more a tax than a pleasure, the intervals between the future visits had better be prolonged, which will lend new zest and interest to the next meeting On so short an acquaintance, reserve and modesty of deportment should be observed, and although the welcome hand of friendship is heartily extended, it is not a familiarity that should be too confidently accepted. — Visits should be paid in an increased ratio as love and affection grows in strength, beginning at long intervals and gradually hastening to a final close. Systematic uniformity is not, however, always practical, and when circumstances so intervene as to produce irregularity, the great principle of non-imposition at an unseasonable time will still retain its theoretic application. It may appear Utopian and altogether chimerical to advance and undertake to establish the proposition that the peculiar state of the atmosphere influences, to a great extent, the conduction or impedition of sympathetic attraction between the minds of individuals; but it is within the observation of almost every one, that orators produce the most powerful effect upon their auditory, and sway the mind by a gentle touch of eloquence, more easily on a misty, cloudy day, than at any other state of the weather. All revivalists, of whatever persuasion, who will review the history of past experience, will admit their brightest efforts were crowned with most success, and their hearers seemed more enraptured by the pealing thunders of rhetoric when dark clouds overshadowed the clear blue sky, and the barometer rushed to the apex of its ultimate capacity. If coquettes will reflect back through a long series of flirtations, they will attest that the most pleasing hours were spent, and most transcendent concentration of love in ecstasies were entertained when all was insulated by the soft and mellow atmosphere without, and a concomitant gentle shower of rain. It gives social ease, throws off reserve, and inspires a mutual interchange of free thought, free speech, and free expression of sentiment.
Great respect should be paid to parents — not only because it is their due as the protectors of their children’s future happiness, but it will remove many obstacles that offended dignity might invent, and thus present fair opportunities to make such an impression as will win the daughter’s love. In being respectful it is not our design to advise excessive flattery, or to surrender indepedence of thought and free expression of opinion, but not to neglect those little observances usually passed between parent and child. It is said, to be certain of securing the aflbctions of a lady, it would be better first to secure the good opinion of the mother. This however is fallacious, for nothing is more humiliating than to be the passive recipient of a necessitous love, or to be the secondary object in a negotiation in which that object is to risk her future destinies. It is an intimation of inferiority and insignificance too gross not to be perceived, and too grating upon sensitive feelings not to meet a just and marked repulse. It is contended upon the other hand that the better policy is to seek an open rupture with parents, to engage the sympathy of the daughter; but this too is equally groundless, and a dangerous experiment, except in extraordinary cases. It sometimes happens that parents and guardians are whimsical, pettish, vascillating, interested or unreasonable, and object to a young man paying attention to their protege, when he is worthy of her heart and hand; under such circumstances, if he has won her affections, it is his right and duty to assert and maintain his privilege, at the expense of every other consideration. But where the absolute right to choose rests in the ward, it will be ineffectual to become alienated from those in whose charge she may be placed, and to whom she looks for advice. It is only where interests clash, and hearts disintegrate by repulsion from various and unknown causes between parent and child, that good judgment and foresight would dictate the propriety of repelling their friendly advances, or discarding their proffered advice. Many obtrusions and gratuitous impositions upon the delicate sensibilities of a young man must be borne, in patient resignation, before parents will relinquish the endeared object of their affections to a rival in their daughter’s heart. It is a species of jealousy unknown to them, yet sinks deep into the mind and secretly preys to their own discomfort and to the annoyance of those who unconsciously arouse its vengeful spirit. Some minds are combative by nature, and if resistance be met from superior authority it instinctively repels the assault and clings more strongly to the persecuted object of affection. Of such material runaway matches are made, and with such only is it judicious to encourage growing disapprobation of parents. When the heart is won let pure honesty, warm love, brilliant virtue, resistless self —reliance, and an unshaken confidence in the destiny of your future hopes assume its preeminent position in the great firmament of social beatitude, interpenetrate antagonistic principles, and revolve the stupendous electro — dynamic wheel of fortune to the ultimate attainment of ineffable domestic bliss. As yet a suitor can scarcely be looked upon in any other light than a nominal friend and passing acquaintance, he should still observe that mysterious and great principle of human nature — that a prize is appreciated in the ratio of the trouble it takes to obtain it.
A great painter becomes tired with a prolonged contemplation of the most beautiful and picturesque scenery; the musician is satiated with a continuous strain of melodious song, and a lady, though ever so pleased with the fascinating attractions of a handsome beau, will finally tire of visits too often paid, and too often extended to an unseasonable and indefinite time. There is danger, however, of appearing too neglectful, and a medium between these two extremes can only be ascertained by impulse of feeling and sound judgment. Once a week is often enough to visit any lady, under ordinary circumstances, either in town or country. If you be on a short visit to her place of residence, if she be from home, or any other unusual occurrence presents itself, then conditions and relations change, and can be the subject of no particular rule. Three hours’ entertainment at an evening call is long enough to be interesting. If a lady has been once annoyed by one who has no estimation of time, she will, if courtesy permit, evade the recurrence of the same inconvenience.
It is a popular opinion with those who little understand the most powerful influences upon the human mind, that to get a rich girl, noise and ostentatious display of superfluous magnificence is one of the principal and indispensable requisites. A neat dress, gentle manners, and steady moral habits is the greatest recommendation any man can present to an heiress. Fortunes are not easily accumulated, and any indication on the part of a young man to be extravagant in his habits is closely observed and scrutinized, not only by the lady, but those perhaps the arbiters of her future possessions. No poor young man can keep servants, carriages, horses, and take evening rides, without deterioration to his purse and credit; and no old millionaire will freely donate his property to one apparently so little capable of the most practical economy. If a rival be present during any visit to the young lady’s house, it is always proper to give plaee and opportunity by retiring from the contest, or observing a silence. An inferior, if let alone, will soon effect his own demolition, and with a superior, all comparison should be strictly avoided, When the novelty of his presence has waned, and when he has said all that is new or interesting, she will again perhaps return to you for entertainment. A cool and independent assumption of supreme indifference on such occasions, will conceal imperfections, if any there be, and secure respect from those who have no opportunity to test your abilities. A victory often ruins the victor, and successes overreached often reverts back with disastrous consequences upon the head of the lucky party.
One great counterpart of love is admiration and pity, and when a rival is beaten down by the force of circumstances, all his virtues will reflect back with double magnitude, and secure the sympathies of the lady. Pity, without admiration, excites contempt, but if both be aroused at the same time, it is productive of the highest and most noble sentiments of love. Impertinent obtrusion, to the exclusion of another, though he be an inferior in many respects, will always turn the balance in his favor.
The advice of a celebrated French writer may appear somewhat visionary, yet has sufficient weight to be here inserted:
“The eye is the index of the soul,” says he, “and a most powerful instrument of success in courtship. Take your seat at some distance, fix your eyes upon the young lady with an imploring, silent and steady look, as if in deep concern relative to the issue of her final determination. She may be in ever so great a glee or ever so well entertained, yet she will become gradually abstracted in thought and seek to catch a stolen glance with the avidity of an experienced lover.” There is something in a modest and unobtrusive gaze that attracts attention, and induces the lady to believe that she is the peculiar object of your affections. But a familiar or lascivious look is disagreeable and unpleasant; and he who persists until she be embarrassed need not be disappointed if such an opportunity should not again occur. Tender looks and loving glances are cheap commodities, often given and punctually repaid. It establishes an electrical current that binds heart to heart and soul to soul, and every revolution of its galvanic power contracts and binds the loving pair more closely together. This expedient however is only secondary to other great primary movements necessary to be accompliBhed in every courtship, and is not to be relied upon as infallible and all — sufficient of itself to achieve any grand result.
It is supposed by great artisans in mental philosophy and those who claim to be best instructed in a knowledge of the world, that flattery is the most powerful means to blind and subvert mankind to tiie interest of the designer; but its reflex action in love and courtship will secure greater success and ultimate in a more desirable result. That is a man should attain and occupy such a position as will compel the lady to flatter him. If he be dignified, independent and worthy, there can be no doubt but all these meritorious qualifications will be duly appreciated and properly noted. Flattery implies a self consciousness of inferiority, and can never by such shallow subterfuge incite admiration and respect. Every person standing equally in a social position is entitled to civility and the common courtesies of life; but to laud and praise through selfish or any other motive, at every opportunity and for the specific purpose of deception, is too contemptible to occupy a place in the mind of a noble and upright man. A flatterer is something like an ostrich, when about to be overtaken by the hunter, he runs his head under a palm leaf and imagines himself entirely hid, while to the most superficial and stupid observer he stands in the unenviable light of a gross and silly deceiver.
It is an insult to a lady to attempt to impose upon her good judgment by expressing a gratuitous and fiilse opinion. It is more easily detected than is generally supposed, and when perceived, never fails to subjeot the offender to the penalty of ridicule and detestation so justly deserved. A lady however may be delicately eulogised without offence; but all such attempts should be judiciously exercised and ever boar the semblance of unequivocal truth. An inclination to please and captivate a lover often leads young men to advocate opinions known to be agreeable to those with whom they associate, although adverse to their honest sentiment, hoping by this means to achieve a result which solid merit might never accomplish. But this is a wrong conception and indicates the absence of a great moral principle so indispensable to the dignity of a gentleman. The custom of making presents to secure the good opinion of a lover, is more suited to the manners and tastes of the North American Indians, or the barbarian tribes of Hindoostan, than to ednoated people in an enlightened and refined commanitjr. It is no compliment to encumber a lady with useless presents; such a privilege should never be taken except in extreme cases, and then the thing donated should be delicate in its nature and linked by association with some pleasing and happy thought.
To pass over the first few months of courtship is like sailing over smooth and unruffled waters; but as time rolls on, the tide of passion gathers, piques and partialities develop opposing interests, until the once quiet lover is tossed to and fro in miserable suspense on the stormy ocean of social trouble. Few lovers have ever tread flowery paths on their way to the altar, and those few must have been peculiarly favored by fortune. It has ever been a vexed question how to reconcile misunderstandings so common between young persons in love. If it be not a breach of civility which requires immediate apology — absence until the passions cool is the best remedy. Some offences cannot be amended by apologies, and can never be obliterated until time and circumstances intervene and blot them out of existence. To pout is no evidence the lady is not in love : it sometimes proceeds from admiration of her lover and a fancied slight or insult which perhaps never had a reality. She may have made an advance, and when smiles were expected met with a rebuff, whether firom accident or design it matters but little, for the more she loves the deeper will be the wound, the darker will appear the picture, the more bitter her tears, and the more unrelenting will she be when asked to forgive. But on the other hand pouting more generally originates in unmistakable contempt. To ascertain which of these two extremes is the cause of action, all the circumstances in the case must be analysed and properly considered. Her position in society must be contrasted with that of each aspirant to her hand ; their relative capacities weighed not as prejudice or partiality would view them, but as they appear to the community in a social light. Her actions, if closely observed, will always speak more conclusively than words. It is not him in whose company she appears most free and easy that can lay the surer claim to her affections; nor is he whose familiarity is of public notoriety always the most successful competitor. Although her displeasure may be traced to an immediate and well — known cause, yet it often requires serious reflection whether or not this be a mere pretext. If yon be superior in morality, intelligenee and social position to all other competitors, no rational conclusion could be drawn than that you are the favored one, and must ultimately be successful. Every lady after years of maturity is at all times in love with some one, and only transfers her affections when superior merit effects a transplantation. If, however, another should be more perfectly adapted to her mental peculiarities and moral aspirations, it cannot be presumed she would discard all her cherished hopes centered in like affinities without a good and sufficient reason, to unite with one laboring perhaps under many serious disadvantages. After ascertaining that her displeasure has not arisen from causes based upon radical defects, it then becomes necessary to project the most proper course to effect an advantageous reconciliation. The time, the place and circumstances, connected with a concession, bears a very material part in the point to be made. To anxiously solicit a compromise of previous hostilities at an unseasonable time, in an improper manner, or when the lady’s mind is raging with imaginary insult, is to invite a repulse, and subjecting the advancing party to the severe ritual of humiliation. One step towards friendship and conciliation should he made, then wait to see its effect — if thiftt be successful, then move on till a harmonious reunion be established. It is true there are circumstances under which a man may safely rash into the presence of a lady, and unconditionally ask her forgiveness; but such a proceeding is better suited to the character of a hero in a sentimental novel than in the substantial realities of practical life. There are ladies who delight to hoodwink young men by bewitching smiles, and lead them into the fatal belief that nothing remains but a proposition, and an acceptance will be the reward. In such a case, although the result is sometimes suspected, few men have the moral courage to repel the insult, and throw back with redoubled force the injury intended to be inflicted. The better plan is to affect ignorance of her real design until confidence is established, secrets obtained, and then upon the first fair opportunity throw off the mask and entrap the offending party in her own snare. Most ladies like stormy courtships, and when the heart of a man is too faint to assert his rights and independence, he becomes an object of ridicule, and a proper subject of contempt. Stern, yet condescending and affable manners, command respect and esteem, and is a quality in man upon which woman fondly relies. In him she has confidence, and to him she looks for protection. She must he charmed, enticed and attracted in spite of resistance. She must be outwitted, overcome and compelled to surrender, not by harsh and overbearing assumption of authority, but by intricate manceuvering, which can never be accomplished by one who is not willing to pass through the trying ordeal of a lovers’ quarrel. If the advantage be maintained by a determined and firm position, little apprehension need be felt that she will retreat and give up the contest. It is only when the suitor falls early in the action, that old lovers are deserted and a new field of conquest sought. The towering advantages which resist and overpower her desperate and most sanguine efforts to be victorious — though she affects to dislike them — yet it produces and ignites to its fullest capacity the latent fires of burning love.
It has ever been a debatable subject whether it be better to court one girl or many at the same time. To select one lady and concentrate all the affections upon her, will certainly generate and produce a greater momentum, and give a more effective impetus to ve than if it were indiscriminately distributed among the fair sex. No lady would willingly be a numerical legatee at the division of a prize in which of all things a woman most dislikes to admit a rival. Constancy rebels at the fickle promptings of the heart that leaps from bud to bud, yet neglects to sip the sweets and settle in the great oasis of domestic happiness. It is usual for young men to visit a number of ladies at one time, to evade the imputation of being discarded should his suit be unsuccessful; but this accusation is made at the cessation of attention, under all circumstances, and where many such cases occur, furnishes a still more prolific source of public gossip. It must be conceded on the other ind that some practice in the art of courtship is necessary to success, and it must further be acknowledged that female society has a tendency to refine, elevate and potentialize the rougher nature of man, and thus prepare him for the more pleasing vocation of making love. A few female friends should be elected and exclusively visited, which will furnish very facility for information, and at the same time avert the unenviable reputation of being a walking companion of every girl who parades the street. To begin with one love and one only, to enlist heart and soul in the enter prize, to beat down opposition and persist to a final determination, is as hazardous, noble and undaunted as was the Roman general who burned his ships behind him, and marched to conquest or destruction. It is the habit of some young men to take a friend along for company, but it is better to go alone; greater opportunities are afforded to give expansion to mental eliminations, and to express free of embarrassments those thoughts most calculated to warm and reinvigorate the attractive influence of two sympathising hearts. It indicates a serious intention so indispensable to the accomplishment of a special object. The vulgar practice of punning is a frequent resort of superficial wits, to display the shallow impulse of a silly mind. To play upon words may be for a time very amusing, but failure and unhappy hits too often occur to safely rely upon that species of entertainment; mirthfulness and humor are however desirable facilities in a companion, and if appropriately exercised will greatly contribute to the pleasures of the social circle. Common courtesy requires that every man should proteet a lady when placed in his charge, but there are no rules of etiquette which compel him to seek and gallant her throagh the streets upon every trivial occasion. When paid indiscriminately to all ladies throagh no specific motives but to be polite, soon degenerates into the unprofitable reputation of a clever — good — hearted — fellow.
It is difficult to determine whether a long courtship will more likely secure success than one pursued more in accordance with the rules of promptitude and decision. If the lady be young, ambitious, and endowed with preponderent intellectual powers, then she must be approached with more reserve, and allowed a longer time to select and decide than one possessed of greater domestic faculties and animal passion. It is impossible to know the precise time to court any lady. Advances should be made by circumspect references, hints, inuendoes, and delicate intimations of a future intention. If received in the same spirit as given, it will then be safe to proceed to a more definite understanding. But if she occupy a superior position and is at the same time addressed by equals in rank, too extravagant a manifestation of regard on her part, is a better evidence to suspect the sincerity of her motives, than an indication of affection and esteem. If she be bashful and shy, approaches may be made with more certainty of success; and an assurance seriously given, may be relied upon with more confidence than with one whose promises are tendered and freely offered with little solicitation. After courting a lady for one or two years, without having a favorable opportunity to close negotiations, and she continues to evade the subject, it would be advisable to make an unfinished declaration, leave the question proposed, for a future hearing — suddenly change your apparent intention, and begin to court her rival with all the ardor of a resolute determination. This will arouse her anger, jealousy and ambition, to an extent beyond control. If you return when the heat of passion rages with violent ebullition, the consoquence would be insult and repulse. But this is expected, and if quietly borne, the very passion before so denunciative will subside, rebound and settle with devoted fondness upon the object of previous indifference. Ladies do not always know themselves, how well they love a suitor until he seems to be lost and wrapped up in the affections of a rival. If this cannot force them to terms, then there can be no other recourse. When all hopes of success have vanished, then with many flow “tears which show their love but want their remedy.” It relieves sensitive susceptibilities, o’ershadows the mind with a gentle calm, and soothes to quiet reflection the throbbing pulsations of a saddened heart. To make a free and open confession of every incident and fact connected with the cause of the melancholy reminiscence to a confidential friend, is the surest and most satisfactory expedient to divert the mind of its burdensome reflections. Grief can never be extinguished by concealment, but sooner loses its pungent power by a judicious yet unreserved exposition. The blues impel its possessor to seek solitude for relief, but the only certain cure is to plunge headlong into the midst of female society. Such associations may at first be stale and uninteresting, but old love-scenes will soon lose their attractive influence; and he who once stood spell-bound by the dictation of female coquetry now asserts the independent prerogative of one who recognizes no power subvertive of mental freedom. A confidential friend can do much to forward a lover’s suit ; but no one should be selected who can by the remotest possibility ever become a rival. A friend may exert all his energies to insure success in such an enterprize; but if, in the course of diplomatic negotiations, temptations should arise to aggrandize himself, all former ties will be dissolved, previous connections disregarded, and instead of being an agent assumes the responsibilities of a principal, and makes an open declaration of his own intentions and aspirations. For one to intercede in a matter so delicate in its nature, should be discreet, non — committal, and cautious never to divulge anything improper or having a tendency to alienate the affections of lovers. Proxies generally are unreliant, and should always be supplanted by personal attention in all cases where circumstances will permit. If misunderstandings should arise, they ought to be promptly confronted at the first opportunity by seeking an explanation, and setting forth in turn, the definite position of all parties. Lovers often pout and refuse to give an impartial hearing, which if properly investigated might ultimate in a happy reconciliation. Wounded pride repels the suggestion to ask pardon, or solicit the favor of another; but never once reflects that the party upon the other hand has equally as many grievances of which to complain. If neither will concede, then no amicable arrangement can be made; and from slight differences arises sometimes antipathy. While if the gentlemen would take only one step towards a reunion, the lady might meet and receive him with open arms. The number of visits to be paid in every conrtship, must be regulated by the contingencies of each individual case. They may by the force of circumstances be prolonged for years, or they may with equal propriety be briefly terminated in the short space of a week.
A young lady who has been disappointed in her first love, or has arrived past the age of twenty years, is more easily courted than one who has just entered the social arena.
But as .long as hope remains of obtaining the first object of her admiration, there is no other means of success than to supplant his place by a continued, gentle insinuation of superior merit. After a long series of coquetry has reduced a lady to the forlorn hope of a last chance, it takes but little persuasion to induce her to marry. With old flirts, short courtships are the most successful.
Never was a sentiment more justly uttered than that which says — “the course of true love never yet run smooth.” The intricate interstices of concentrated affection interpenetrates and commingles with self affiliating particles until density rebounds from the might of its own contact. It not unfreqnently happens that a lady’s first love possesses every qualification she could desire, save one, as drinking or gambling, with which she never could become reconciled. In this case she erects him as the status of a gentleman, and refuses to marry, unless the aspirant who pleads for her love has no such fault, and is his equal in every other respect. Indecision is a desideratum of almost universal prevalence in female character. When beaux accumulate and press for a hearing, the mind becomes bewildered with the magnitude of the subject; and instead of a judicious choice and prompt decision, the golden chance is let slip by fickle hesitation, until the only prise worth the price to be paid has fallen into the possession of some more lucky rival. Years of procrastination will be tolerated and encouraged by a lady who holds her lover at command, and who in his turn retains some other lady in waiting for his decision; and perhaps this third party has enchained a fourth gentleman at her pleasure, until the unbroken link extends through a whole community — all held spell bound and entranced by the power of a single woman. While if the first case were promptly settled, then might all other parties fall back to second choice, and thus unite with quasi satisfaction. It is good policy sometimes to retire and remain quiescent till an aspiring lover can test her capabilities of attraction, and when ambition ceases by satiety in coquetry, then resume former relations and claim the immediate consummation of legal ties. When she says she loves as she would a brother, there is but little hope to entertain of ever becoming her husband. It is a great fault, too prevalent in society act to be observed, for young ladies to be annoyed by lover with a lingering and everlasting good-bye. It seems they cannot dispel the charm and leave her presence without advancing and retreating to the door a number of times; and at last returns and seats himself on a simple invitation, and continues the conversation until loquacity itself be exhausted. It is thought by many that when a proposition has been accepted the great work has been accomplished; but it too frequently turns out that this is only the beginning of a mighty series of troubles and misunderstandings, in the course of a long matrimonial engagement. It wants the intimacy of marriage, and is alike divested of the reserve of courtship, and between these two extremes, one of which is so essential to harmony, the connection sought to be established is more effectually split asunder. So many dissensions, jealousies and causes of diseonteni arise from the freedom of partial interooarsey that a disruption is almost inevitable. If a longer engage ment than three months is insisted upon, without good and satisfactory reasons, it is sufficient evidence for an ordinary man to suspect the sincerity of her pretensions. Ladies, like men, have their first, second and third choice, and not unfrequently compels one suitor to stand off till another more favored has an opportunity to make a declaration. To be free, unwatched, unrestrained and unpledged, is far preferable to being mortgaged under aospen-sive conditions, without release, and yet never executed.
HOW TO WIN HER LOVE.
The great principle of adaptation to mental pecuculiarities, must first be established before the secret of winning a lover can be ascertained. A reciprocity of feeling, and a harmonious interchange of intellectual proclivities must permeate the mind and superinduce a mutual attraction. “It is as easy to dive into the bottom of the deep, where fathom line could ne'er touch the ground, and pluck up drowned honor by the locks,” as to percolate the chaotic nebulae of natures impenetrable mysteries, and divine the mighty problem that links together two loving hearts. A lady should be selected who in every, respect combines those qualities most suited to the one who aspires to obtain her love. It is an idle dream for a selfish, unsocial and deep — scheming miser to attempt to please and entertain a girl who would exhibit her sparkling diamonds at any cost, and whoee greatest ambition is to eclipse her rival by a boundless profusion of princely extravagance. It is equally vain and futile for profanity, irreligion, and low moral sensibilities, to undertake to unite and commingle with piety, refinement and highly developed susceptibilities. There must be a congeniality of thoughts, feelings and education, to inspire mutual respect and esteem. Wealth in possession, ceases to bo an object after which to grasp; and if a young man possesses all other worthy qualities, he can easier marry a rich girl than one whose necessity impels her to seek a better fortune.
True love seeks concealment, and for a man to avail himself of every opportunity to divulge his passion, will only excite disgust where a good impression was intended to be made. It should betray itself in spite of every effort to retain it locked up in a lover’s breast; then when discovered, it falls like amazing thunder, doubly redoubled, on her the object of its devotion. Traveling together furnishes many opportunities to become familiar, and offers many inducements to lay a solid foundation for love and friendship. It discards all embarrassment, presents a variety of subjects, renovates stale thoughts, gives zest and vivid impulse to conversation, and thus keeps up the reanimated scenes, so interesting in a social discussion of general topics. But at the same time it must never be forgotten that nothing is as highly appreciated when too common, as when it reflects its fresco hues through the soft and mellow beams of twilight. When a lady beholds, for the first time, a beautiful piece of apparel, she may be willing to pay many limes its real value; but after a few days wear would gladly exchange it for less than half its original cost. So it is with her love. As long as the novelty of the occasion is retained, that long will he be interesting; but if those facilities so temptingly offered to make love while traveling be converted into a vehicle of tedious iteration, then the picture loses its poetic beauty, and glares in mid-day sun to satiation. There can be no excuse for taking advantage of a rival's absence, and presenting him in an unfavorable and disadvantageous light. It is the best evidence of a gentleman, with high and honorable pretensions, to speak well of every one, and more particularly those supposed to be the subject of personal dislike. Such reprehensible conduct never fails to fall back with all its consequences upon the head of him who attempts to inflict such an injury.
His name should rest in quiet oblivion, and if ever called, let it pass without comment. There are domineering spirits among women, that will never consent to be ruled, yet have a supreme contempt for men who willingly succumb to the dictum of female authority. If this class of ladies should never find a man whose firmness, dignity and condescension are harmoniously combined, they will likely never marry. For cringing dependence they have no respect, and for stern independence they esteem and love, yet too proud to risk with them their future happiness. To be jealous, is to pre — suppose bad faith in one in whom the most implicit confidence had been placed. It is to charge another with having violated a tacit pledge of constancy, and thus crushed those sacred relations so indispensable to the perpetuity of love. It is an impulse of the mind, easily aroused, hard to conceal, and still more difilcult to overcome. It is instantaneous in action, unruly in its course, yet ever a concoinitant of love. To appear jealous is sometimes good policy, but to carry out its evil suggestions, based upon facts real or imaginary, is at all times a doubtfUl course to pursue. It often happens that girls coquet one youog man, to more effectually secure the attention of another. That is, they encourage one beau, to evade the imputation of seeking another, for whom perhaps she has too great admiration to have him think she sought his hand. They compel soft—pated young men to stand barriers against public opinion, and serve as shields to protect them in a contest with the man of their choice. Many entice and entertain a variety of beaux, not from fickleness and indecision, but to elevate and magnify their personal popularity with those they love. It should be definitely ascertained who is the true object of her affections, and by this fact strictly adjust future conduct. Jealousy concealed is an evidence of pure love, but is often counterfeited by designing coquettes for the purpose of deception. If an electric thrill pierce the soul at the mention of a lady’s name, if the heart beats an increasing throb at the conception of past reminiscence, it is an indication that love rules within and holds at command its dependent, subject. When love reigns uncontrolled in the breast, doubts of sincerity and reciprocity offers its unwelcome presentiment, and the more profound the admiration, the deeper sinks self—depreciation. If the intelligence of yoar anticipated marriage with a rival reflects in her countenance a blank expression, reddens her cheeks, arouses curiosity to an excessive degree, or induces an abstract and continuous meditation, it is a beacon light of love that emits its refulgent rays through the dark clouds of disappointment, to the wondering gaze of the world — Friends, objects and incidents any way connected with a lover, becomes a subject of special interest — and every movement is weighed and nicely adjusted in the balance of alternate hope and fear.
“Sometimes he sees a cloud that’s dragonish,
A vapor sometimes, like a bear or lion,
A towered citadel or pendent rock,
A forked mountain or blue promontory,
With trees upon it that nod unto the world,
And mock his eyes with vain delusion.”
Veneration for a Supreme Being is an innate faculty of the human mind. Religion, when associated with ignorance, results in superstition; but if guided by cultivated intellect, is an inexhaustible source of happiness. Although many abuses have perverted its legitimate exercise, yet there are no other channels through which morality receives as great an impetus as that which flows from the pulpit. To be at church, is to evince respect for prevailing institutions and to encourage the general diffusion of moral principles. Precepts of justice and benevolence could he promulgated through no better instrumentality than by those whose exclusive duty it is to teach its favored doctrines. The predominant characteristic of woman is piety, and no stronger appeal can be made to her affections, than through the usual demonstrations of respect for the Supreme Being. When timid youth feels abashed at the presence of his lady—love, he retires at the still hours of nightfall, when impending darkness lulls mankind to sleep — sits by the faint light of a taper, and pens in poetic language the burning impulses of his soul. In ambrotypeis he pencils her pretty eyes, whose intellectual ray steals o’er his heart, like sunshine o’er the sky. He pictures in radiant colors her sweet pouting lips that rivals the rose in May, and compares her eyebrows to the semi—concave rainbows part encircling her sparkling eyes. He tells her those rosy cheeks mock themselves with the purple blush of innocence and youthful love; that the clear notes of her silvery voice echo upon his ear like the sweet intonation of the mocking bird; that her dark curling ringlets roll in soft waives down her snow white neck, and those little hands by a gentle touch, dart an electric thrill to the soul.
All these compliments are paid, and all these flatteries uttered by one, perhaps, who has drawn more extravagantly upon his imagination than sentimentality. Love letters, under some circumstances, subserve the purposes of more inconvenient means of communication; but from incorrect interpretation, often result in serious misunderstandings. To write to a lady living at some distance, and after a favorable impression has been made by personal intercourse, is proper and right; but to communicate through the post-office, feelings and passions, on a short acquaintance, will seldom fail to excite disgust. A blunt assertion of love for another, without first ascertaining whether or not it be reciprocated, is to risk the humiliation of repulse. She may feel flattered to be loved, and pleased to think herself the object of your admiration - but the sentiments of affection are more powerfully aroused in others, by concealing your passion within your own breast. When a lady loves, it is independent and self-existing; it seeks companionship, but if repelled, only burns the stronger. Delicate hints of a preference may be given, and even growing sentiments of love may be insinuated, but expressed in such language as will leave the mind in doubt. If a quarrel should develop its unwelcome presence, as most frequently happens with lovers, hurl at her the keen darts of displeasure, with central power - yet mingled with the most kind, devotional, and inexpressible love. She will retaliate, perhaps, with redoubled effort, but in calm, quiet moments, will own she loves. Few men are gifted with superior compositive powers, and if a letter be penned by one whose faculties of descriptive imagination are less than mediocrity, it will present a condensed exhibition of a confused congeries of blundering absurdities and ridiculous non-pretense. To put up at a lady's house, and stay all night, under ordinary circumstances, is such an unpardonable breach of etiquette, that its condemnation is hardly requisite to prevent a repetition. A free and easy familiarity may meet a cordial reception, but is often the instrument of its own destruction. When self respect does not confine a man within the limits assigned to all other visitors, be forfeits the esteem of those upon whose rights be has infringed. He had better travel through a tornado, amidst the peal of thunder, the flash of lightning, the hissing of transverse winds, and the terrifie crash of uprooted forests, than stupidly retire to quiet slumbers with misplaced propriety. The motion certainly means to effect a total defeat in a courtship, is for an aspirant to delegate to his sister the authority to advocate his cause. Her motives are so palpable, and her ingenuity so unsophisticated, that the poetry of courtship is divested of its dalliant beauty, and throws around it a dull shade that intercepts the bright rays of romance, which heightens and transfigures the resplendent radiations of first love. A harangue upon the virtues of family and kindred, is a prosy subject, and subverts the end intended to be accomplished. The hero of a novel is generally the only child of deceased parents, which indicates the prevailing inclination of the human mind, to affiliate with that which has no other kindred spirit. True love seeks a companion in one isolated and unconnected with aught save pure and undoubted merit. When an alliance is based upon the infiuence of family, in the absence of those sacred ties so essential to happiness, there must be domestic broils and dissatisfaction. If a lady has no more respect for her lover than to romp, in defiance of the common rules of etiquette, while in his presence it is an evidence that she neither esteems nor loves him. A young man should never so far forget himself as to allow even a lady, throagh his kind indulgence, first to trespass upon his sensibilities and then treat him with contempt for his mental imbecility. Such privileges are never taken by girls, unless a sailor oifers tempting indacements, for tinb purpose of eliciting familiarities which seldom ntti-mates in a saccessfnl match. The feelings, passions and sentiments which goom men in their intercourse with society, are equally applicable to women, under like circumstances! Their partialities and prejudices are aroused, and impel them to the same action, and to the same conclusion when existing under the same conditions and relations. If a young lady aspires to the hand of a wealthy husband, she need only take the position of a poor young man in Hearch of a rich wife, and by a judicious adaptation of self to circumstances, may with ease and certainty secure the desired prize.
If two rivals meet in the presence of their ladylove, and there be no positive understanding between her and the gentleman she most admires, all her attention and conversation will likely be directed with most familiarity toward him for whom she has the least love and esteem. Many young ladies use extra trouble to arouse the jealousy of him she loves, by smiles and affected caresses heaped upon a rival while in his presence. It is a taunting revenge often inflicted as retaliation for some wrong immginctd to have been committed by her lover. It sometimes produces a more serions effect than was intended; for the injured party, if proud and sensitive, will suddenly renounce her love and proceed to court some other lady. If she gives to a suitor a decided preference over all others while in company, yet avoid any subject tending to a declaration of love when in private conversation, it indicates more an inclination to flirt than a sincere desire to be a married woman. If a young man be desirous of an early marriage, he can court a lady of a recent acquaintance, and obtain her consent in much less time than it would take to make friends and become reconciled with an old lover who had manifested contrary propensities.
When personal pride has been wounded by mutual distrust and conflict of opinion, it is a trying test of affection with either party, to acknowledge themselves in the wrong, and ask to be reestablished in the confidence and esteem of a lover. False pride sometimes prompts a lady to refuse the extension of common courtesy to a suitor, when her heart is beating and palpitating with suppressed love, and tears are rising from an oppressed and overflowing affection. She will even crush and extinguish every sentiment of love within her breast, and marry one for whom she entertains no regard whatever, to vex and annoy the man who wounded her pride. Although well satisfied that she is his first choice, and his only love, yet she will unreflectingly rush into the arms of another, to see him pine and despond over her reckless decision,
POPPING THE QUESTION.
This is the contestatiolitis in the great cause of every young man before he can reach the golden reefs of social bliss. This is the crisis of his love, and the pendent rock on which his future destinies hang. In the issue of a moment, and by the utterance of a single word, every anticipated prospect is elevated to inappreciable realms of happiness, or sunk to the unfathomable depths of despair. From this despotic tribunal there is no appeal; and from adverse decision there is no relief. Eloquence is powerless, entreaty useless, and argument ridiculous. The soul may leap from its bounds with pent up and overflowing affection, the tongue may plead with sweet accents of impassioned love, the eye may speak the imploring anxiety of a sympathetic heart; yet if another be the object of her devotion, with cold indifference she will respond in absolute negation. A bashful youth would sooner peal the rough odges from a streak of lightning, or split in twain a clap of thunder, than pop the question to his ladylove. The embarrassment is so overwhelming, the agitation is so inexpressible, that no young man whose affections have not been extinguished by a repeated passage through the fiery ordeal, can composedly propose his hand to the lady he loves. An old coquette whose heart is congealed in the crucible of deception, can as calmly approach the subject of matrimony, and as coldly acquiesce or deny, as can an old toper, with quiet equanimity repeat the indulgent vice of drink. Courtship is like a trackless path through the ocean, the same route can never be taken a second time. It is impossible to know, other than by general rules, the most appropriate time to pop the question. Some young ladies will step by step lead to the subject, and offer inducements to make a declaration; while others more diffident, will avoid every opportunity to have an explanation. The length of time she has been courted, her relative circumstances and condition of life, must be taken into consideration before making a matrimonial proposition. If a man possess wealth, affluence and every convenience which money can bestow, address a lady without home or property, she will sooner engage in marriage than one who lives in luxury, and is surrounded by all the comforts of life. Every woman, at any time from maturity to the end of her existence, will marry if a suitable person presents himself. Ago and social condition is no impediment, and if the individual be worthy and propose in a proper manner and at a favorable time, he will seldom fail of success. If competition is numerous and strong, it is not good policy to make an early declaration; but a reserved and independent course should be adopted, and use every effort to induce her pursue while you retreat. There are many ways to propose, but the surest plan is to be serious. It manifests a respect and solemnity due to subject of such importance. To write has many advantages, and yet is very objectionable in many other respects. This mode of proposing eludes the embarrassment so much dreaded by young men and gives the young lady time and opportunity to reflect, consult, and decide at her leisure. But in most cases young men have many birds in the same bush, one of which they may wish to catch, and if a written avowal of love, with a subsequent refusal by the first choice be heralded by proclamation through the neighborhood, all other fair nymphs would spread their wings and fly with taunting derision to some other rival more discreet in his matrimonial declaration. If, however, from favorable circumstances it be determined to write, the letter should be dictated in a modest, plain and unassuming style, with few words to express sentiments of regard and esteem, and close its contents by a formal offer of marriage. It wonld also be very appropriate to add in the post-soript, that its retention would be construed an acceptance of your proposition.
The condition of retaining the letter will reduce to practical application, the well known rule that silence gives consent. It also dispenses with the necessity of giving an affirmative answer in writing, which few ladies are inclined to do, and thus commit themselves to those who may afterwards prove to be inconstant. If, upon a future visit, its reception and retention be acknowledged, then nothing remains but to agree when the conjugal ties shall be consummated. If, from familiarity and constant association, it be thought better to make a verbal proposition, then it should be done in a firm, dignified and affable manner. The subject may be introduced by an accidental concatenation of appropriate circumstances, or by an abrupt declaration of love, with a formal proposition of marriage. When a young man is connected with a well known and influential family, and has the advantage of a long acquaintance, it requires but a few months to ascertain whether or not his love be reciprocated. But if he be a stranger in the community, with no other foundation than that which he has laid himself, he should have strong and undoubted evidences of her love before venturing upon so hazardous an undertaking. When a matrimonial proposition has been made, and refused by the young lady, the dignified independence of a man would dictate an immediate and unceremonious departure. All excuses and reasons for such a decision are superfluous, and very uninteresting to the discarded gentleman.
When a man has made a marriage proposal and been discarded, it places him in the unenviable position of one who has aspired to the hand of her who does not reciprocate his affections. He must first ascertain the beau ideal of her admiration, then attempt an approximation to that standard. He should not succumb to every suggestion, nor bend to every nod, but reverse all former proceedings and advance at another point. All relations have now assumed a hostile character, for she has declared her antipathy and resolved to reject. Young men are generally too tame, humble and conceding, which only arouses contempt instead of admiration and respect. An equality must be established, and this can only be done by the assumption of a bold and fearless position. It is thought by many humiliating to return and court a lady after once being refused; Bonaparte returned from Elba and made all Europe quake by the thunder of his indomitable genius; and so a lover after repeated defeats may rise above the frowns of fortune and at last be victorious over every obstacle. Never let false pride impede the acquisition of fortune and fame. The world may ridicule feeble attempts to accomplish grand and stupendous schemes, but if successful, will be as boundless in its applause. Many young ladies will marry a lover for whom she has but little affection, to prevent his acceptance by a rival To this passion of human nature a strong appeal should be made. Her company should be avoided until an opportunity of meeting at a public place shall occur. Nothing should transpire to induce the world to suspect that any misunderstanding existed; but let ordinary familiarity be observed until an appropriate opportunity is presented, then in a lover's language take her down a link in the great chain of flirtation. The more overwhelming the fall; the more powerful will he the effect. Such slights are no breaches of etiquette, and is in strict accordance with the laws of a lover's war. She may pout to think herself out-manoeuvered in public estimation, and silently shed tears of vexation; but if no opportunity be allowed to retaliate, the returning evidences of admiration and esteem will soon develop themselves. No tender sympathy should ameliorate her condition, but bear down with all the might of outraged dignity. This advantage should be retained by watchful diligence. After the first ebullition of her passion has subsided, seek the first opportunity to become reconciled, make friends, ask pardon if its nature will permit such a course, and associate together as if no disagreement had ever occurred. If from the indications of her manner you are still apprehensive she does not intend to accept your hand, wait till circumstances are favorable, and then again let the thunderbolts of your displeasure, like a mighty plummet fall on her astonished head. Young ladies do not like the world to think they cannot control their lovers, and many will sacrifice personal feeling to public approbation. These are harsh remedies, but are necessary in the management of a desperate cause. It is not heart to heart, and soul to soul, in one united by bonds of love, but is an unequal conflict of mind with mind, and hand to hand, which shall remain on the field of battle with the palm of victory. It is a contest whether peace shall be bought by marriage compact or whether one party shall ingloriously retreat with the dishonors of defeat. Most young men would sooner take a panting tiger by the tooth, or a raging lion by his hideous paw, as again face the lady who once refused his hand. To fail in a banking speculation is no reason why a man should never re-invest in its capital stock; and a defeat in courtship is no reason why the same motives should not prompt a second attempt to win a lady's love. Every mind seeks to rival superiority, and the higher it rises and the greater end it attains the more praise and honor is due its transcendent aspirations. One fall is only the price paid for experience, and should be a monitor to guard against like error in future time. When others sink in despair at the frowns of fate, let the bright scintillations of hope illuminate the meandering paths of love, and let ambition impel the wayward aspirant to dare the dangers of opposition and grasp the retreating prize. When a lady has many beaux, she will always be independent; and if a proposition be made before the one she prefers has declared himself, she will either positively refuse to accept on any terms, or else make an equivocal promise which she never intends to perform. In a case like this, the formidable rival must be gotten out of the way. He most be induced to marry some other lady, or relinquish his claim by convincing her that she is not the object of his affections. He should never be met on his own platform, nor should a comparison ever be drawn with him in those departments of science and knowledge in which he excels. If he be a poet, orator, or popular politician, while you stand most eminent in literary composition, logic, or the more practical branches of mathematics, then lead him on your own premises and effect by a well timed comparison a total defeat. A single genius, is generally considered a man of universal talent; and if this predominant faculty is brilliantly displayed in a masterly effort, it will be accredited to undoubted merit. If however neither party be the others superior, then in the language of the immortal bard, << lay on Macduff, and d — -d be him that first cries hold — enough.'' In such a contest victory is with the strong arm and steady heart. If former policy has been too familiar, then effect extreme reserve, if you have too often told your passion and too often made her the idol of your dreams; then suddenly change all former proceeding and laugh to scorn the silly heart that pretends to love. Deny the existence of such a sentiment, and teach the stoic doctrine that it is all a farce. But it must not be forgotten to let the sparks from the hidden fires of love emit its twinkling light amid the heat of taunting derision. If you have heretofore been too cold and distant in deportment, then cheer up with a pleasant smile and meet the object of your love with a hearty shake of the hand. Speak with familiar emphasis, and introduce social topics and manifest pathos and feeling, by a resistless appeal to hep affections. Novelists have represented love to be a pure and elevated sentiment of the heart. But in real life it is reduced to the rugged and more practical demonstrations of the influence of ambition, self interest, and the immense passions that disturb the oven course of the human mind. Society should be presented as it is, without the painted fiction of an ideal imagination. Man may be supposed perfect, lovers may be represented in tears when hopes are all blighted; but if society were pictured in its proper light, young men instead of weeping over unreciprocated affection, would be more frequently found raging with anger, from disappointed interest in a recent love scrape. Young ladies too, are oftener prompted by self convenience and the prospect of a social elevation, than by the ethereal emeuations of undying love. If the prospects of future success be extremely doubtfol, and the opposition appears insurmountable, advance, retreat, then advance again, and resolve to be successful in defiance of fate. Nerve the mind to desperation, be blind to dark forebodings, rush to an advantageous position, and again pop the question. If five times she rejects, it may well be considered a hopeless cause.
The most profound intellects the world has ever produced were noted for their gravity. Diogenes, Socrates, Plato, Demosthenes and Seneca, were never known to manifest inconsiderate levity. Seriousness indicates solidity of character, and commands respect, and respect induces admiration, and admiration incites love. Every person has some weakness or frailty which is never more fully displayed than in an outburst of merriment. Then the mind is thrown out of balance, and those points so strictly guarded under ordinary circumstances are left to attack of an interested antagonist. To laugh at every witty suggestion—to be attracted and tossed command by the incidental occurrence of every ignificant subject is an evidence that nature has endowed the individual with strong mental capacities. Every moment of a man's life should be ployed either in some useful vocation or pleasant reation. Belief from mental study is best found I firiendly and mutual interchange of thoughts, feelings and sentiments. Amusements in moderation will invigorate the mind, divest it of unpleasant reflections, and superinduce health and hilarity. But pursued beyond the bounds prescribed by the rules morality and the dictates of an educated intellect, will reduce the transgressor to the utmost depths misery and depravity. When man was created, occupied a low position in morality and intelligence. He was endowed with capacities to rise step by step to a more elevated station, which he now occupies. He has an intuitive propensity to grasp and penetrate that which is unknown and difficult to attain. He looks with amazement into the wide and unfathomable future, surveys with astonishment the vast incomprehensibilities of the universe, and dives to the bottomless depths of mystery in search of that which is hidden and unanalytic. He expands every faculty, exhausts every resource, and draws upon future contingencies to effect some mighty scheme which originated in the fires of mental conception and growed and increased its proportions by nurture from the over fanning breeze of insatiate ambition. The mind of man is like a great galvanic battery, in which each faculty is a subordinate machine. The perpetual current of odylic fluid revolves in perennial circles around each focal centre, producing life, thought and mental activity, These living batteries are supplied with vitality from the elements without, and thus keeps up a galvanic current which attracts and repels in obedience to fixed and universal laws of nature. If a young lady be endowed with superior electrical capacities, and exerts the full power of her mind to captivate her lover, with less mental endowments, he could easier repel a thunderbolt from heaven than resist the overwhelming effect of her attractive charms.
With a nervous temperament, and fine intellectual organization, mental exercise is as essential to health and longevity as manual labor is necessary to the full development of the physical powers of man. The universal pet, and ball-room favorite, whose countenance radiates with a pleasing smile at every silly attempt at wit, may be successful under ordinary circumstances, but can never outstrip and overcome strong competition. Sociability, good humor, and elated hilarity are at all times interesting company, but serious and dignified deportment should be so far observed as will command respect and esteem.
''Beauty warms in the sun, refreshes in the breeze, Glows in the stars, and blossoms in the trees.''
There is no attribute of man which more effectually holds entranced every faculty of the mind than the contemplation of beauty. All animated creation have beau ideals of perfection, the observance of which arouses the most intense admiration. To behold the unfolding leaves of a rose bud, the majestic waive of the forrest oak, or to view the green prairie flowers as they tremble in the breeze, will inspire the mind with sweet reveries of heavenly thought, and spread over his quiet meditation a gentle halo of calm reflections. To behold woman with symmetrical and exquisitely moulded features, sparkling eyes, glowing countenance, buoyant step, and queenly grace, will incite a veneration in man that language cannot express, and make a sympathetic heart throb with gentle emotions that inspire delightftil dreams of nature in perfection. To be beautiful is to possess a jewel the intrinsic worth of which can only be estimated by knowing that few others are gifted with such a prize. It is a harmonious combination of powers — refined, elevated and polished by the perfect operation of natural law, and thus presents itself like a double piano-magnifying mirror, that reflects its own unrivalled beauty to the admiring gaze of those less gifted with that peculiar endowment. To be pretty is the untiring aspiration of every woman. To be honored with the title of a village belle, is an appeal to female vanity unequalled by any other bestowment in the gift of an appreciative community. The little girl, before reason has dawned upon her infant mind, brightens in her countenance and runs in playful mirth to meet with a happy smile, those who call her pretty. The girl of sixteen will veil her face, close the door to the gentle kissings of a summer breeze, and refuse to face the dazzling light of the sun, to be called pretty. The more noble qualities of the mind, so essential to true greatness and physical health of the individual, are sacrificed; to obtain by art and culture that which nature has originally denied. Beauty is desirable, but there are lofty conceptions of the soul, expansive comprehension of the mind, and deep toned affections in those more homely, that he who exchanges exterior personal appearances for mental worth, will, when the scenes of life close around him, reap the reward due a happy selection. A beautiful countenance will fade, but superior mental accomplishments glitter and shine with brilliant splendor in the ratio that time increases, and its use consumes. Beauty may captivate a lover, and hold him spell-bound, without the power of extrication, but the kind affection and loving regard of a devoted wife draws around the domestic fireside a silver chord that links and unites every member of a family in the common bonds of love and conjugal affinity.
''And yet sweet eye, thou ne'er wert given To kindle what thou didst not feel; And yet, thou flashing lip — by heaven, Thou ne'er wert given for Dians seal. To see thee burn, to faint and sigh, Upon that bosom as it blazed; And be myself the first to die. Amid the flame myself had raised."
As the countenance glows, reddens and turns pale with varied excitement, so the eye beams, flashes, and sparkles at every revolation of the mind. It is an index of internal emotion, a barometical indication of reflex passion, and the penetrating instrumentality of perception. The placid look of content, the softness of languishment, the sneer of contempt, the squint of saspicion, the stare of wonder, and the glare of surprize, are the natural language of mental action, understood in all nations and by all people without interpretation. It darts the keen arrows of rage, radiates with hope, teems with love, fires with jealousy, defies, invites, and denies, in language that rushes o'er the heart in resistless torrents, and overwhelms the mind with absolute conviction. Blue eyes are the ever accompaniment of perfect beauty. They have been the theme of poets and the song of bards from the dawn of primitive society to the ultimatum of human intelligence.
When love obtrudes by a gentle gaze, the heart melts in soft submission, and returns in the same language the secret impulses that beat in unison with a kindred soul. Blue eyes appear to be the indication of a harmonious combination of temperaments. With such, the superior electrical nervous state is the predominant characteristic of mental composition; and with such, the blood courses through the veins with quick pulsation, and the refined and elevated properties of the human physcology seem to have attained its utmost potentialization.
Black eyes express energy, force of character, passion, sympathy, and Warmth of feeling. Those who possess them seek happiness in the gratification of social faculties and animal propensities. The jovial friend who approaches with a hearty welcome, is always the most acceptable companion. Virtue and morality are observed more from the unconditional requisitions of society, than from intuitive inclinations. Ambition, perseverance, and impulsive motion, are the prevailing traits of character.
Yellow eyes are the unerring indications of envy and jealousy. With a favorable development of the moral and intellectual faculties, its glaring manifestations may be obviated; but the secret annoyance at a rival's success, is a perpetual and ever present concomitant. Alimentiveness generally accompanies yellow eyes, and their possessor has a strong inclination to reduce superiority to a common level.
The social revelry, the intoxicating draft, and the midnight frolic, are the phantoms of happiness after which they grasp.
The sanguine, nervous, motive, bilious, and lymphatic temperaments, are so variously combined in each individual, that the color of the eyes can never be relied upon by the present known laws of mental philosophy, as a certain indication of any peculiar trait of character.
Blue, black, yellow, hazel, grey, and other shade tints of color, manifest various combinations of temperament, too complex in its arrangements to be the subject of any other topic, than a tedious metaphysical disquisition. It is a matter of interesting speculation, whether or not one temperament, if inharmoniously commingled with another of a different composition, will not chisel and extinguish by gradual encroachments, the one less dense in particles, and consequently less capable of withstanding the contact of its associate. As diamond cuts glass, so may the motive temperament, indicated by the black or yellow eye, if excessively large and active, when united in wedlock with another of nervous temperament with blue eyes, overpower and crush out of existence the weaker physical organization. It is an observable fact that the larger number of widows and widowers have dark eyes, while their deceased companions were known to have light or blue eyes.
There should be such a modification and difference of temperament as will keep up an equilibrium in nature, but not such a contrast that one power, by acidiferous properties, will exhaust and consume the weaker element. The physical ingredients of man must be as equally balanced to produce harmony, as must the moral and intellectual faculties of the mind combine in unison to induce congeniality of affection. A keen penetrating eye, indicative of whatever temperament, will overcome and destroy by conflict another incongruous element of a weaker force in man, though it be embodied in a larger physical organization. To reduce this science to the precision of mathematics, the chemical properties of man's physical and mental constitution must first be ascertained, and then adjust by the rules of natural law each particle by its relative association, to the element for which it has the greatest affinity. The masses of mankind are so stupid, and society so blunderingly constructed, that marriage, instead of harmonising and balancing the rough and rugged propensities of man, only tends to uncog the dynamics of his soul, and scatter in confused irregularity the fragments of a distracted mental constitution.
"The mind is the stature of the man."
A refined, polished and educated mind is a princely gift to its possessor. With such the great wilderness of the universe unexplored, is a gaudy field through which they wander and pluck the young blossoms of science from their indigenous those of less cultivated intellect have borders of common sense. To stand upon the stupendous pedestal of science erected by Newton to astronomy, and survey through the mighty lens the boundless eternity of space the universes perceptible to the eye, and the billions of nebula, forming new planets, new suns, and new worlds yet unseen, will expand the soul, unfold, exault and revivify the intellectual faculties of man beyond the powers of conception.
To trace the hypothenuse of a right triangle, to demonstrate the endless logarythms of mathmatics, to picture the beauties of nature with paint and pencil, or to penetrate the soul with sweet accents of music, is an immeasurable source of happiness that none can feel but those who have dipped deep into the Pierian spring of science
How happy must be the poet whose very being is wrapped up in the absorbing theme before him, and how happy must be the orator whose thunder-torrents of eloquence melt to tears the hardest heart and most inaccessible sensibilities among his fellow men. The man whose heart was never touched by the tender chords of sympathy may not be miserable, but can never appreciate the happiness of one who has felt the thrilling intensity of first love. So, ignorance may exist in a quiescent state of negation without a pang of disappointment, but such bliss cannot be compared with a philospher's ambition, whose soothing pleasures are derived from the investigation of the unknown and undefined laws of nature. Education has no substitute that will contribute an equal amount of happiness. Wealth may secure luxuries, which if excessively indulged, consumes and defeats the object sought to be attained. Intellect, if nurtured within the bounds prescribed by moderation, increases, grows, and strengthens to perfection, in the ratio of individual capacity to comprehend. The mind, in infancy, is like the budding flower; if too strongly impressed, will soon wither and die. The hopeful aspirations of youth are often blasted by fond parents endeavoring to convert precocity into early genius. The tender convolutions of the brain, are burned and consumed by a perpetual application to study. Alternate rest and exercise is as essential to the steady growth of mind, as light and water is to the culture of the plant.
At every centennial olympiad of the world, a new theme is presented as a subject of universal admiration.
In the beginning, and at the first unfolding of human society, the greatest achievement with man was military renown. He who could boast of having slain the greatest number of his fellow beings, was elevated to the highest apex of delusive fame. All the horrors of war, with its hideous consequences, were sought with avidity, and public approbation was heaped upon him who nearest approximated the demoniac propensities of a monster. Then came the second great epoch of history, in which religions fanaticism raged with all its fury. He who manifested the most blinded superstition, and stupid veneration for the myriads of Gods that decked creation, was himself soon crowned with the immortal appellation of deity. This age of paganism soon passed away, and gave place to the period in which wealth was the subject of universal adulation. This money mania has increased, growed and extended its power and influence up to the present time; but the future will develop a period in which intellect will flash over the civilized world like sheet lightning o'er the burnished sky; education will meet proper appreciation, and wisdom will be the test of power. The immense sums of money expended upon wealthy girls, in their preparation for a gorgeous display of flippant accomplishments, will be appropriated to the instillation of the more substantial principles of political and domestic economy. Money will then be universally distributed, and too easily acquired for its ignorant possessors, by its influence, to associate in marriage with genius and superiority. No youth should have learned the first letters of the alphabet before ten years of age. If a boy be stunted in physical growth, by hard manual labor, he will never develop the powers and energies of a well proportioned man; and if his mental faculties be exhausted and destroyed by excessive exercise while young, he will never exhibit the vivid elasticity of a vigorous mind.
This peculiar phenomenon, so commonly observed in physiology, displays such marked characteristics of mind, that a proper analysis of the subject becomes a matter of general interest. It indicates a predominant development of the sangoine-nervous temperament, which instils into the individual quick perception, and general physical and mental vivacity. Those of this cast of mind are passionate, industrious, warm and social in disposition; and derive their greatest pleasure from an unprescribed privilege of out door exercise. When they love it is with all their soul, and are equally cordial in their antipathies. It may sometimes be, that persons with red hair are indolent, but such individuals are not often to be found. Being viewed as homely, from the simple fact of being odd in appearance, impel such ladies to rely more upon the noble and commendable virtues of the mind for success in life, and thus present, as a class, to the world, domestic qualities far superior to those whose external appearance is more in accordance with the universal standard of beauty. Those capable of estimating merit, will never depreciate the worth of a lady for no other reason than that she has red hair. Beauty is conventional, and if the majority of mankind had red hair, it is more than probable it would be as much the object of universal admiration as any other color. He who is united to a woman whose heaven is the society of her husband — whose greatest delight is to elicit a smile from his countenance, and who dotes upon him with fond affection, has wafted his pinions of happiness far above the common level of mankind, and soars in the eternal elements of spiritual bliss.
The persistent^ intense, and warm sympathy of a temperament, as indicated by red hair, will gush up the spontaneous effusions of love from the very depths of a husband's soul; and will inspire a thrilling incandescence of pleasure, inappreciable to all. save those who have luxuriated in the felicitous beauties of conjugal affection.
Long massy, auburn hair, blue eyes and fair complexion, are the French beau ideal of perfection. It indicates the most elevated and refined combination of temperaments, and is the nearest approximation to a harmonious development of those peculiar attributes of man's physical powers, so essential to his perfect organization. It sometimes accompanies extraordinary gifts of nature, and shows a smooth and even distribution of faculties, which bestows upon its possessor the appellation of a universal genius. It is the general concomitant of light complexion, hazel or blue eyes, and is more often possessed by literary men than any other class of individuals.
This color of hair, which partly partakes of the several various original colors, indicates in the individual, the possession of foculties which have been commingled, classified, refined and potentialized, until morality and intelligence become the controlling powers of his nature. The oval and Greek-chisselod face, is seldom accompanied with any other colored hair. It is the crowning finish of a Circassian physiognomy, and the outward manifestations of perfect internal adaptation of physiological temperaments. Ladies with this color of hair are generally polished in manners, etiquetical in their inter course with society, and possessed of superior mental discrimination. They are seldom gross, inelegant, rude or stupid, but display a commendable delicacy in all their social relations.
The color of the hair, the varied tints of the eye, the complexion of the skin, the protrusions and depressions of the phrenological and physiognomical developments of man, are all indicative of mental character. The intonations of the voice, the emanations from the countenance, by which families and nations are distinguished, impress upon the mind of an observer the precision with which nature marks and classifies its subjects. Every faculty of the mind, every physical organ, and every function of the human constitution have an index, by which its motions and actions are exhibited to universal observation. It is not the absence of data which cause irrational conclusions in philosophical investigations, but it is incapacity to perceive the harmonious relatation so evident and apparent in the moral and physical construction of man.
Persons with black hair seldom attain the highest eminence in literary fame. It is the battle field, the political arena, in which they contest the flag of honor, and aspire to renown.
Liadies with black hair are warm and sympathetic in heart, but do not always commingle their affections with that religious devotion, the rapturous demonstrations of which, refine, elevate, and purify the soul of man. They are sometimes proud, haughty, distant, and reserved in manners, while at other times they overflow with passionate affections and devouring love.
NEVER LIVE ON CREDIT.
The evils of a universal credit system are inna-merable. It is a fictitious device to gratify the inclinations and wants of the mind^ without the deprivations so apparent in the payment of cash. In the enjoyment of the present, all fiiture consequences are forgotten, and the inconsiderate debtor will contract and re-contract debts to double the amount he may be able to pay in the course of a life time. When a man has assumed responsibilities beyond his means to meet its payment, is like a gamUer at a &ro bank, desperation suggest new and still more hazardous speculations, until his fortune is involved in a disastrous wreck. From once being the honor-ed, respected, and confidential citizen, he soon descends to the lamentable condition of a hopeless bankrupt. Old friends decline to give a hearty welcome, bankers and brokers meet him with a cold salutation, for no other reason than he may presume upon former credit and request a loan. Bootors are no longer to be found at home, and lawyers Sroim at every new suit and strongly insist upon a smaU retainer, at the filing of every exception, demurrer, rejoinder, or — ur-rejoinder to the just claims of ere-
ditors^ and often reftise to defend his case without first receiving the quid pro quo. K he be a tradesman
or engaged in a profession, and should unfortunately be involved in debt, his creditors are the last men to extend assistance by a liberal patronage of his business. They reason upon the hypothesis, that necessity recognizes no justice, and if an opportunity were given to make an extravagant and unjust charge, that their debtor would not hesitate to liquidate their obligations, by estimating personal services as an equal compensation to former indebtedness. Persons then placed in this unfortunate liitaation, labor under the double disadvantage of having neither money nor friends.
To live upon cash principles may be a temporary deprivation, but will never reduce the individual to servile dependency*
Ambition is the great motive power of human action. Without it, mankind instead of improving the present great system of universal progress, would degenerate into the still quietude of mental stupidity. It is the impetuous wheel of volition that glides the mind with electric speed over the bound-18
less course of — stme, and rushes through the mysterious domain of nature to the ultimatum of human perfection. It is the essence and primeval principle in the mental constitution of youth, which prompts him to dream of future greatness, and apply the deepest energies of his soul to accomplish the mighty destinies of his nature. It makes the ruler and politician exhaust the powers of thought, to more successfully govern their subjects and constituency. No impulse of the mind is more intense in action and more powerful in its effects than ambition. It has been abused, corrupted, and diverted from its legitimate functions, by mis-directed intellect and low condition of morality, but in all ages of the world has been the motive to the origination of almost every discovery and invention in art, science, or whatever else has proved a blessing to mankind. When ambition subsides in youth, the individual winks into insignificant oblivion. Young men generally relinquish all aspiration for fame and notoriety between twenty and twenty-five years of age. They make one effort, and if overcome by opposition, renounce all claim to public approbation, retire to the quiet walks of private life, or if possessed of small moral faculties, sink to the bottomless depths of depravity. A young man at this critical period
should be encouraged by parents, and placed in such circumstances as will give full bent to his genius, and avert the great evil consequent upon the reversed action of ambition. If he have no wealth and no family distinction to maintain a high position at the home of his youth, renounce all former ties and connection, and begin the world among strangers and in a distant country. New friends can be made, and a new name can be established upon a solid basis, before errors and indiscretions of youth can be obliterated from the minds of early associates.
The man who has not the moral courage and self reliance to venture beyond the wings of paternal protection, will seldom rise to eminent distinction. A new country, where society is unsettled, where no precedents and privileges are established, where equal rights are recognized, of all other places, affords the greatest inducements to entice ambitious young men. If money be the great object in life, go to a wealthy district; if political fame is the ruling passion, then remove where revolutions are not uncommon; and if science be the theme of your ambition, this can only be attained by association with literary men.
** Eternal vigilance \n the price of a htiftband.*'
Keen perception of human nature^ quick decision and prompt action, are the peculiar gifts of a widow.
An intimate acquaintance with domestic economy, abundant experience, and an extraordinary disposition to please, render them formidable rivals to bashful and unassuming girls. When a timid young man falls into her society, instead of increasing hh embarrassment by studied reserve, she approaches with familiar ease, and captivates the unsuspecting youth; while a less tutored girl in the art of courtship, would drive him from her presence in despair.
An old bachelor may evade and escape all other snares, but could never unloose the Gordian knot tied and sealed by the determined resolution of a pretty widow to secure his love. She is like the queen of birds, she soars to endless spheres^ darts to earth, and again scans the placid skies, till the d^ voted object is discovered, then like her prototype of the air, she clasps her prize with the silver talons of affection and claims him as her own. He may appeal to Jupiter, he may call on mounti^ius to cover
hiin, but the powers of fate have decreed that he shall follow her to Hymen's alter.
He may resolve, and re-resolve, declare again and again to live a single life, but the die is cast, the Bu-bicon is passed, and all the hosts of Nebuchadnezzar eould not save him. He may resist the love of money, he may treat with contempt the sweet smiles of tender girls, but can never withstand the overwhelming appeals of a rich and pretty widow. They are easier courted than girls, not from inferiority, but because they have a more practical knowledge of the world, and will meet a lover upon compromising terms without superfluous and useless coaxing.
As persons increase in age, they desire a companion younger than themselves. A widow of forty years will sooner select and love a young man of twenty-two, than at any subsequent period of his life. If she first married an old man for money, or through any other exclusively selfish motive, then will the romance of juvenility influence and determine her future choice. She is then rich, independent, and must be courted like a girl in her first love, or as her caprice or inclination may suggest. A widow of wealth can marry at any age and at any time. There are young men in every country 18*
whose necessity wonld lead them into matrimony upon any terms, to alleviate present embarrassment. As age advances in woman, her love becomes more intense, and if centred upon a youthful aspirant, she will renounce her children, home and fHends, and cling to her lover with all the fervor and tenacity of a young girl.
Acquisitiveness, is an innate faculty of the human mind. Some men love money through an instinctive propensity to acquire; some for the ease it aflTords, some for luxury, while others are actuated through the more noble purpose of increasing their knowledge, and benefitting the race of mankind. It is the motive alone, which determines the moral turpitude attached to the accumulation of wealth. If a man believes his happiness depends upon the achievement of some grand scheme of universal beneficence, he has a right to sacrifice all minor considerations, to reach the desired result. If he be so created that misery would accompany him in poverty, though surrounded with all the blessings of domestic life, then he should seek happiness in that sphere most adapted to his peculiar organisation. If his designs, plans and am-
bition, all tend in a particular direction, either in science or any other vocation, he can never be happy unless supplied with ample means to relieve present wants and meet future contingencies. There is no phantom of the age, more universally decried, than what is fastidiously termed fortune hunters. They are the great Boreas, that blows consternation over the minds of silly women and idle croakers, who envy the enjoyment of others in which they themselves can never participate.
All men are fortune hunters, and the same can be said with equal truth regarding women. The merchant will sell his articles of commerce for many times its intrinsic worth, if he had the customers foolish enough to purchase; and a planter would exchange the produce of his farm for ten times its value, if merchants were simple enough to buy. For this mode of acquiring wealth there is no one censured; but if a young man should aspire to the hand of a wealthy lady, he is stigmatized with the fire brand of a fortune hunter. The merchant may not sell at such exorbitant prices as to injure his reputation for honesty, nor will many young men marry wealth at the sacrifice of every other consideration.
If an ordinary lady, possessed of immense sums of money, marry an intellectual young man, of high
social position, who is worsted in the transaction ? She has united her money with his superior talents, and both parties may reap the re^c ard of wealth and intellect combined. If an ignoramus had been successful in obtaining her hand, then it would have been heralded to the world as a strange anomaly of an heiress marrying her first love. Genius is often bluffed, smothered and extinguished by public clamor, while a rough, uncouth and stupid fellow, who is insensible to public opinion, unreservedly pushes his claims to a successful termination, and is finally honored with the appellation of a wealthy man.
It is an insult to insinuate to a rich girl that she is a prize for a fortune hunter. It is to assert that she is too ignorant to comprehend the motives of men, too unworthy to deserve a poor man's love, and consequently must content herself with the honor of passing into her lover's hands, as the title deeds to her property. Eich girls are as capable of loving and being loved, as any other class of human beings. They make as many judicious matches, and live as happy in wedlock as do those who boast of love in a cottage. To marry a lady for the purpose of squandering her wealth in the gambling saloon, is exceedingly reprehensible, but if his motive be to rise in the estimation of man, by expanding, unfolding and de-
^eloping his moral and intellectual resources, no more noble sentiment could pervade his breast. The rich girl who cants over the dangers of falling Into the hands of a fortune hunter, only exhibits a weak and suspicious mind. Those who cry loudest against the evils of money matches, will sooner than any other class of individuals sei^e the first opportunity to better their pecuniary condition. These ranting, public censors, are generally bankrupts in love, or such persons whose position in society would forever preclude them from the possibility of successfully aspiring to a rich girl's hand.
There is more than one instance upon record in which a nice young man has been heard to declaim most vociferously against fortune hunters, and in less than six months unite in the bonds of matrimony with an old lady of forty-five years of age, with seven children, for the pittance of seventy thousand dollars. The same faculty which prompts men to acquire money, will in most cases induce him to keep it.
This idle twaddle about fortune hunters is a ridiculous bugbear, gotten up by designing persons to frighten timid young men, It is as incumbent upon fathers to endow their daughters at marriage, as it is to give them a finished education in child-
hood. Poor young men are not disposed to burden themselves with supporting a rich man's daughter^ while he is reveling in wealth. It is as much the interest of a lady to have a husband, as the man to possess a wife. It is a reciprocal contract in which both parties are equally benefited. If money will influence men in the selection of a companion, why not place a daughter in such a condition as will secure the best genius the country affords. It was the Koman custom, in the days of Justinian, for parents to bestow upon their daughters their heritable portion at their marriage; and it is the prevailing usage in the semi-civilized wilds of Lapland, to set aside certain property to their children in infancy, the increase of which was paid over to them at their majority. Wealthy parents who neglect to bestow a sufficiency upon their daughters, who first marry, will find it difficult to dispose of those who subsequently arrive at womanhood, advantageously to their interest, and with credit to their family. If a young man must toil a lifetime, and by mannal labor accumulate a fortune of his own, it is with little gratitude he receives the reluctant donation mortis cau^ from a miserly parent.
Young men raised and educated in the country, possess a more vigorous and elastic physical constitution, than those who have been matured in the exciting hot-beds of city society. They possess a genial warmth of feeling, candor in expression, and an unsophisticated sauvity, not often found with those whose early life is spent in the drinking and gambling saloon of town dissipation. They know but little of the art, deception, finesse, and manoeu-vering of one initiated in all the under-current schemes and daring projects of a well tutored city E^ntleman. In the country, the moral character of % young man measures his worth, and if he become iebased in the estimation of the community by reckless depredations upon social rectitude, he is soon aast aside unappreciated and unnoticed.
There is less flirtations in the country than town, not only from a general prevalence of an instinctive sense of justice, but there are fewer opportunities to delve in its wily course^ and still greater danger of universal ridicule heaped upon him who has fallen in the contest. All is risked upon a country courtship; for every successful advance is known throughout
the neighborhood, and noted with precise accuracy, and every fall is proclaimed in thunder tones of derision. There is no escape from public observation, and no evasion of public contempt in case of defeat.
Although undivinable, yet it is an observable &ct, that country girls much prefer the society of young men who have been raised in town. This may be owing to their polished manner and finished education 'j but the substantial merit of the country man, far exceeds the erudite superficiality of his city competitor. Young ladies make annual pilgrimages to large towns, for no other purpose than to meet, associate, and intermarry with city coxcombs. As more interest can be drawn from less capital in town than the country, it is the common rendezvous of intellect and poverty, in search of wealth and ease. Such young men are dangerous rivals, and the most successfiil competition is effected by an apparent retreat. Most men, if latitude is freely extended, will wind themselves round and round in the insidious filaments of coquetry, until the hopes of extrication is a vain delusion. They boldly advance, and make a temporary impression that bids &ir to carry away the prize, but soon flounder.in a net
laid to catch those who do not measure the depths of unforeseen danger.
The most consummate flirts, are young ladiefr whose affections have been won by some man who does not reciprocate her love; and being insensible to the tender passion when sought to be aroused by others, she creates havoc and confusion in the ranks of all with whom she may come in contact. Every coquette has her mind fixed upon one star, and her ambition and energies are all centred upon the one great object of identifying herself with his ultimate destiny. She would pull down and extinguish a universe of con-* stellations, to rise and be his companion. All lesser satellites revolve with insignificant consideration; and with cool indifference will she blot them all out of existence, if they perchance intercept the glim^ mering light that shines from him she loves. Many young ladies entertain a positive attachment for a suitor, until she is certain his love is secure and con* stancy undoubted; then by a sudden electrical repulsion, unaccountable to herself, she flies off to some new and untried aspirant to her hand. After entertaining the same feelings and sympathies for him, she did in the first instance, he too is cast aside, as anotHbr victim to her caprice. There is but one way to manage such girls. First take a firm and 14
detorminod position, against whiph she will reb^/ with indignation. Let tho muttering storm pass over, and tho dark clouds clear away, before making any advance or concession. If she frowns, laugh at her; if she pouts, return the compliment to her heart's content; and if she entreats for reconciliation, refuse any terms of compromise. Men who are in love, find it difficult to deny the least request of the lady ho admires; but if he too easily relinquish his Arm resolution, instead of a speedy reunion, the breach will only be widened, by confirming her previous opinions of his contemptible insipidity. Fickleness and indecision in a woman, intuitively suggests the necessity of her husband being endowed with tho wand of command, and such a woman will seldom marry any other kind of man. When she has pouted long enough to be tired of her unprofitable nonsense, then conjure up some plausible excuse and call to see her. By this time she may be mad enough to throw back the insult, but as it was expected, no attention should be paid to the temporary exhibitions of her love-lit temper. Advance by a slow and steady step, and finally close the negotiation by a gentle, kind, affectionate, and firm dictation of marriage terms. If she then refuse, there is no hope of future success. The boyish
Practice which young men exercise of cutting out
One another in riding to church, is very silly and
injudicious. There are many opportunities to
court a lady in the country, without resorting to an
expedient which seldom fails to advance the cause
of him sought to he discomfited.
It is impossible to divine the motives and correctly interpret the actions of a coquette. Being educated and practiced in the art of deception, the common place rules of etiquette are transposed and distorted to meet every contingency, and the most undoubted indications of love are counterfeited, to more effectually entangle a confiding and credulous suitor. If a lady takes unnecessary pains, and puts herself to a great deal of trouble to slight and wound the feelings of a lover, it is more an evidence that she loves, yet doubts his sincerity, than that she holds him in contempt. Many girls will look up and ferret out young men, for no other purpose than to flirt them. Success depends in almost every case entirely upon the strength of competition. All ladies wish to marry, and will choose the most favorable opportunity that may be presented. She who lets the last forlorn chance escape, can only attract universal pity, and with a merciful benediction, be consigned to the solitary tomb of an old maid, lu
this desolate retreat^ and lonely place of peaeeliK/ quiescence, may she rest forever, is no donbt the sincere prayer of her alike unfortunate maseoline prototype.
The claims set forth by widowers to a second wife, is thought inconsistent with the old adage, that man can love but once. But these poetic ideas of one love, and one only, have long since exploded, and better experience has taught mankind, that as often as the mind centres upon an object of admiration, it will entertain feelings and sentiments of love. When a man selects a lady and determines to marry her, there will arise immediately in his breast, tender sympathies which never befor^ existed. He may have lived and associated finr years with the same lady, without ever having felt a single emotion different from that which (me friend entertains for another. But by the occurrence of some little incident, his soul pants with distraction to possess a prize, before unnoticed and nnvalned. A man who has lost his mate, is as free to love as one who never had a campaign. He can with perfect consistency to all known law8 of nature, he as
^ovoted to a second as he was to a first wife. La-^es sometimes reject the suit of a widower, for the fallacious reason that she is not his first love. It may be asked without the probability of a correct solution, how many ladies who marry young bachelors can Justly claim to be his first choice. If the innumerable flirtations carried on in the social world could be recorded, it would be plainly seen that few men marry the lady that holds the most conspicuous place in his heart.
Widowers have tested the charms, the pleasures, and the delightful dreams of domestic life, together with its many hardships and many disadvantages, Etnd is consequently better capable of selecting a suitable companion. He has little inclination for romance, and prefers to close his matrimonial en-^g^xtents in a more business-like manner. It is a strange property of human nature, that widows and widow^s seldom entertain for each other sentiments of i&utual attraction. When old, themselves, they fyA tba strongest sympathy for girls, and the younger sfare may be in years, the more intense is his passion. If bis proposition be rejected by his lady love, from disparity of age, he seems astonished and amazed. They are the last men to perceive a decline in life, and are ever at a loss to know why a difference in
age should intercept the free interchange of connubial love. AVhen he determines to marry, no rebuff will backset his pretensions, and every obstacle thrown in his path, only inspires new energies and prompts to now exertions toward the accomplishment of the one great object, the obtainment of a wife.
To see a young man making love to his cousin, is the surest evidence of a weak and imbecile mind. To throw around himself the kindred mantle of family association as protection against embarrassment, manifests the absence of moral courage, so necessary in the accomplishment of every great scheme. To retire beneath the privileges granted by the strong ties of blood relation, and insinuate into the affections of a kinswoman, is both silly and contemptible. It is a breach of all moral and natural law, which never fails to overreach the offending parties, and bring them to a severe retribution. It is a hideous outrage upon reformed society, and the direct and immediate cause of deformed monstrosity. It is a barbarous custom, sanctioned only by bigots and codfish aristocracy, who measure merit by an-
cestral descent and glittering gold. They enclose themselves within their own estates, and shut the gates against barbarians ; and for want of subjects with whom to draw a comparison, very sagely conclude no other family is their equal, and worthy of association. While if they had freely communicated with the world, it would soon be perceived many are equals, and many more superiors. When one wealthy family intermarries within itself, it creates a universal stampede, and all the lesser sattellites dart through the same dark constellation to the ultimate degeneration of the human race into pig-mian idiots. Spain and Mexico should be as eternal monuments to the certain and disastrous consequences of family intermarriages. He who recklessly consummates a union, the result of which is a curse to society, is undeserving the esteem of his fellow man. There is no ambition gratified, and no conquest made worthy of a lofty mind, in the successful grasp and holding to the apron strings of a cousin. If a stranger get admittance to the societyjof a lady, no cousin of equal merit can successfully compete with him. He may even have the advantage of dark curling ringlets, pretty feet, little hands, and rosy face, yet nature, whose mighty voice thunders its anathemas against the accursed union, will in
any fair contest overwhelm and rift to atoms the presumptions aspirations of a stupid cousin. Such matches are generally brought about by wealth and ignorance; for the intelligent and poorer classes of the community seldom transgress so plain a law of nature. Many an enthusiastic suitor has lost Mb lady love and become forever wrecked in fiiture prospects^ by the false pretensions of a tenacious cousin. Their constant wooing and other overt acts of courtship, leave the prattling world to believe his suit is favored. Although the lady may be unconscious of the general public impression, yet such familiarities deceive her friends, and effectoally prevent the advances of the man she decidedly prefers.
When a lover has been rejected, it is good policy with the lady to refuse to encourage any forth^ attention, and even positively intercept all ccmima-nication whatever.
When a young man perceives his rival's case is finally settled, he will not hesitate to set forth his own claims for adjudication. But if indacementts are held out for years, to one she does not intend to accept, it inspires a contempt for both parties in public estimation.
It is truly humiliating to be the hero in a oaoflo condemned by nature, frowned upon by society, and
denounced from the pulpit. Although the secret passion of love may prey upon the soul; yet such an aspiraat shrinks and reooUs from public disapproba-tion. The lady who has such a lover, dares not utter to her most confiding friend that he's her beau. The innate repugnance to such a connection is as strongly implanted in the human breast, as the tingling sensations of justice, at the commission of some hideous outrage upon moral law.
RIGHTS OF WOMAN.
Bqualitt in education, equality in professional dignity, and equality in political privileges, are the fundamental rights of woman. In Turkish Asia, South America, and many parts of Europe, woman is educated in her peculiar sphere, and the weak and stupid races who inhabit these countries, demonstrate to an absolute certainty, the imbecility of such domestic institutions.
When self esteem and independent sovereignty is crushed by tyranny, the individual will retrograde and descend to the lowest strata of human intelligence. The African, Hottentot, and American Indian, reduce their wives to slavery by physical 15.
force, and each succeeding generation exhibits the extinguishing power of outraged nature.
No intelligent man is happy by association with an ignorant woman. Bigotry, and condensed mental stupidity, at the present age prompts many men to utter the old savage principle, that woman is not entitled to equal rights with man. She has as mucb right to practice law in a court of justice in the settlement of her legal claims, as the man who presumes to represent her without first obtaining her consent. She has a right to practice physic, or any other profession for which she may be qualified by genius or education. She has as much right to choose her lover, advance in courtship, and pop the question, as the man who assumes that high and undelegated prerogative. The arbitrary and conventional rules of society may suppress woman's cflPbrt to rise to an equal position with man, and positively prohibit her from taking any active part in love affairs; yet the existence of such law, does not prove that it has any other origin than a domineering assumption of physical power. There are in every community, young ladies who live, breathe, and exist in a state of torpidity, by the depressing influence of public opinion; when, if they were allowed the free exercise of their legitimate rights.
the sweet influence of domestic congeniality would spread its latent sway throughout society, and harmonize and allay the disrupting element which now disturb the equanimity of the civilized world.
Physiology, pWenology, psychology, organic chemistry, and every other science which treats of the human organization, proves by irresistible induction, that woman in all the infinitesimal minitude of atomic relations and conditions of mental and physi-cal refinement, is most transcendently superior to man. The stability of civil government, is dependent upon the morality and virtue of its citizens. If intelligence and moral worth be the standard by which the right to vote is tested, why can not woman have an equal privilege with the drunken sot, who reels to the polls and selects her ruler. It is within the comprehension of every observing man, that if woman could vote, much corruption in office holders would be reformed, and political demagogues who now depend upon the rabble for elevation^ would be supplanted, and in their places substituted upright, honorable and worthy men. Yice and corruption, by contact with virtue, insensibly diminishes its hideous proportions and looses its tenacious influence. If the gentle sway of woman could be thrown over the civilized world, peace and concord would never oease to reign.
" ril follow thee, and make a heaven of hell, To die upon the hand I love so well."
Under the dominant influence of love, an intellectual giant will succumb to its power, and feels as silly and insignificant as an unlettered child. There is no pain nor misery more torturing to the soul than disappointed love. FriendSj parents, children and kindred, may all depart this life, but these misfortunes falling with a single blow, do not exceed the rankling distractions of disappointed love. The loss of home, of fortune, and destitution itself are slight deprivations when compared with its prolonged and piercing pangs. When it lays hold of its viotim, it soon consumes the noblest emotions of the heart. The once rosy cheek turns pale, the once bright eye is dull and heavy, melancholy o'ershadows the ooun-tenance, mental abstraction manifests its fearful forebodings, until the desponding individual sinks beneath the heart-rending depressions of disappointed love. Old associates are tiring, company is avoided, and relief is sought in the solitary reflections of gloomy dispair. Young ladies generally retire to
ir lonely couch, and give full expression to grief the outburst of tears, which flows from a heart t beats and throbs in excruciating agony. No ilea will brighten the eye and bring back color to
cheek, but that which emanates from the coun-ance of him she loves. No sympathy reaches the jpt and vibrates the tensive chords of her soul, i the sweet caresses which proceed from her lover, iveling is no remedy for disappointed love; for distance increases and separates the loving pair, 1 their fond affections increase and develop new dences of its undying properties. Strange and jnown faces insulate and confine the already pent
fiery element, until self ignition consumes and troys every physical and mental energy of the brtunate subject. It gives the mind leisure and wrtunity to resolve and contemplate within itself
associations, home scenes, and devoted objects, iil its wearied spirits are hushed in quiet rest by * exhaustion. With some peculiar mental consti-ions, it may afford temporary relief, but the est and best remedy is a reckless series of flir-Lons. By such a course, self-esteem, ambition, ral courage, and every faculty of the mind is used, called forth, and exerted to its fUUest lacity. The attention, energies, and feelings of
the individaal are called into the most active exercise, and no time is allowed for meditation and internal reflection. It is thought the nature of man protects him from the withering blasts of disappointed love; but to witness the upheavings of a manly heart when writhing under mental despair, and it will undoubtedly prove that when he loves, it is with all the powers of his soul. Though cheerful and merry in external appearance, yet by close observation the kindled furnace may be seen to throw out its intense glare and gloomy grandeur on all who surround him.
When a young man makes his debut in society, he is more susceptible to the tender passion than at any other time; and if he addresses one lady, and one only, his conceptions of personal attraction and feminine perfections become so concentrated, aqd his affections become so intense, that he soon concludes there is no other such woman. And if his offers of marriage meet a negalive response, a death-knell would tingle in more jpirelcome accents than such intelligence. He concludes all for which he lived is lost, and the world droops in dreary desolation. He reviews his courtship with painful reflections, and imagines a quantillion different causes of defeat which never had an existence. Sometimes he breathes
forth the deepest curses against her parents, friends and relatives, as the instruments of his discomfiture, and then pours out an impetuous strain of ahuse against himself for some foolish and unaccountable procedure. Although an undoubted victim of an unscrupulous flirtation, he will still persist the lady once loved him. Poor Wikoif, who practically demonstrated the fallacy of such reasoning, by serving a protracted period in a European prison, through the influence and by the will of the most notorious flirt that ever escaped just condemnation, pertinaciously insisted to the last that the lady still loved him. Although over three years had been spent in almost excruciating misery, yet he turned from all these misfortunes with the hope that the contest -would again at some future time be renewed. The many frivolous excuses advanced by girls to delay their marriage, is but a coquetish subterfuge used to deceive a credulous lover. If her reasons are not only strong and unanswerable, but corroborated by known facts, the young aspirant had better prepare for a timely retreat by dividing his afl^ections with some other lady. Parents and friends frequently bear the unjust imputation of interference, when the real cause of opposition rests with the ludy. Young men are sometimes referred to natural pro-
tectors and guardians for their consent^ who are first informed by the young lady that opposition is desirable, and when he meets a peremptory rdhnl, he appeals in vain to his lady-love. There are few girls who will not marry a man she truly lo^ee, ib defiance of all authority. There are many yoaiig men silly enough to think if a lady looks and smiles at him, he possesses bewitching charms sidBeiiait to make her breast heave with rapturous delight. Jbb imagines common civility the undoubted evidenoe of her superior regard and esteem. While if he woflU only interrogate his most intimate friends and Wb-quaintances, he would perceive all of them thoaghi the same thing had direct reference to themselves, and all on account of the peculiar manner in which she treated each of them. Ladies sometimes look at a man through curiosity, and is more frequently attracted by him first looking at her. It is not the desire of a woman that a man should manifest his love for her, but she wishes to be so treated that she is compelled to love him. She would not have her lover charmed, but would rather he should charm her. He must pay such attention as will win her affections and induce her to believe his selection is made, and all verbal expressions of love and sympathy must be carefully avoided. She has a just con-
tempt for an insipid lover who kneels in humble anbnussion. If three men of eqaal merit address (me lady at the same time, she will more than likely srieot and choose for a companion him who indicated by wards and actions the least signs of his love. It is the proud man whose unbending dignity arouses admiration^ and implants within her heart the deep-M(t sentiments of affection, that meets with the most uninterrupted success. Courtship is a moral warfare in whioh both parties are as ambitions to reduce the oppoaition to terms of capitulation, as a great warrior \b, to overcome and force to conditions an in-qU^mitaUe enemy. The shouts of victory and the mailings of despair reverberate through the social circle, with all the eclat attendant upon the final decision of a hard fought battle in the physical world. The heroic charge, the stratagem, the alternate retreat and forced marches of a Eoman legion, do not present more varied aspects of human vi-cifMUtude, than does the uncertain results of a youth-fal ooortship. He may now stand victor over countless hearts, and in a short time, by the reverse of fortune, plead with humiliation for personal happiness at the shrine of coquetish beauty. There are four phases in every courtship. Ist Phase. All is smiles, devotion and personal 16
attention. If the lady be solicitous of your company, it indicates a disposition on her part to give yoa a &ir hearing. The beginning is no index of what the future will be, but the varied manifestations of preference or indifference depend in a gieat measure upon the circumstances with which it is connected. 2d Phase. A pleasing glow of happy thoughts^ and then a sudden depression of spirit at the recollection of a rival — an internal thrill of self gratification at the prospects of ultimate success, and then a gloomy apprehension of final defeat. Her image, her last words, and her sweet smiles rise with Id-ereasing power in meditative moments, and throw over the mind a mystic charm that delights, yet subdues the heart. Her influence magnifies and her superiority exerts a greater and greater sway, as time proceeds and her power grows in strength. His ideas of female perfection gradually concentrate and centre themselves upon his lady-love, and constitute her the great focal paragon of universal admiration. When she appears faultless, and unequalled in purity and supreme excellence, then re-action takes place, and dark doubts of her sincerity seize the mind, and jealousy involuntarily speaks louder and louder that nhe is trifling with his affections. The least frown, though done in kindness, will make him toss and
roll from pillow to pillow at the late hour of night. He will resolve and re-resolve never to see her again, but all with no effect. He entertains a strong inclination to see his rivals — talk with them, surmise and philosophise upon each ones chances, and com-pare looks, intellect, wealth and position with his own, and perhaps magnifies their individual worth far above their real merit. The first time he meets a rival he quakes and trembles with apprehension of a final overthrow; the second time, he looks at him with quiet indifference, and the third time, he feels himself an equal if not a superior, He attempts to pry into the special motives of all his lady-love may do, watches every motion and action, weighs every word, and looks alternately on the dark and bright side according to the peculiar state of his mind. This passion rises and sinks, surges and heaves in tumultuous distraction, like the ebb and flow of oceanic billows. Then returns a calm, the mind suspends as it were, and glides along in meditative abstraction and melancholy reflections. The occur-r rence of some incident will arouse him to thought, and he will again resolve to be the sovereign of his own destiny, and no longer be the dupe of any woman. In this stage of love he will pop the question upou the first opportunity, or retreat witb —
oat an explaDation, or else seek a personal — lterea-tion, which will more than likely terminate in a downright quarrel. He renounces her love, repudiates her authority and declares his affections aliena-ted; and has in response, perhaps, the very unaatis^-tory consolation of being told by his idolized sweetheart that she is sorry to cause him so much trouble, but his attention or inattention is alike a matter of the most perfect indifference. In icy coldness they part with a silent salutation, and both parties, if sincere, will imagine themselves badly worsted in the contest.
M Phase, Now comes the tug of war ! She cries and he sighs, she pouts and he struts in proud defiance, she laughs in bitter glee and he smiles and jokes with the ironic self-possession of a flint-faced stoic, although his heart flutters and throba with suppressed and depressing misery. She boasts of the pleasing attentions of other beaux, and be praises and applauds the beauty of other girls. If he advances to make friends and renew old social relations, 8he wheels on tip toe and retreats with affected scorn and contempt. After having revenged her wounded pride, her vindictive spirit relents, and she returns to meet him with a smile, when he in retaliation will frown and pass her with a cold recognition,
without condescending to cast a pleasant look. Mutual repulsion hurl them asunder, and a long separation is the result. He desponds over his hopeless condition, and finds relief alone by un--bosoming himself to a confidential &iend. To him he declares she is the most vascillating, contrary, and inconstant woman it has ever been his misfortune to meet. He swears perpetual and eternal love, and would offer a universe if it could be given to secure her heart and hand. In the meantime the lady is distressed with the same mental hallucination, and with tears confesses to her intimate friends that no other man but her present obstinate lover, ever occupied an equal position in her affections. They studiously avoid each other, and seek with untiring energy every opportunity to convince one another that love has no resting place within their breast. This state of hostility is sometimes prolonged for years, without either party venturing to concede a single point. Although she may not be inclined to enquire of his designs, plans, and various movements, yet she will listen with anxious solicitude when others call his name or speak in any manner of his future intentions. She will propound indirect interrogatories, the answers to which will develop the facts which she desires to know, without betraying her motives for asking such a question.
The difference between a coqaette and a girl who is sincere, is the first will return and boldly advance to a reconciliation whenever it suits her purpose or convenience; while the second, except under extraordinary circumstances, will persist in her obstinacy until her lover makes a liberal concession.
Ath Phase. They again meet a^ if by accident, which cost perhaps one of the parties six months devising, planning and manoouvering to effect. Then stolen glances dart across the fire-side or through some multitudinous assembly Tender looks that would melt diamonds into a liquid flame are passed, and sweet smiles that w^ould eclipse the sun in brilliant illumination are exchanged.
When the evidences of returning affection become apparent, all new suitors and lesser beaux had better make a timely exit, for the interpenetrative and adhesive properties of first love are now attractiog two great cohesive elements, the mighty contact of which will extirpate and extinguish all intercepting obstacles. Old quarrels are instantly forgotten, old difficulties are passed into oblivion, and all is wrapped up, absorbed and transported in the pleasing reveries of contemplative happiness. He proposes, she accepts, and marriage is the result. The best evidence of her sincerity is the immediate eonsummft^ tion of her promise.
RRIAGE is the great pivot upon which the des-of every man must turn, and decide if he rise to the topmost wave of human happier be engulphed in the bottomless depths of stic misery.
-er having passed through a long and varied ship, it is with a light heart and beaming smile idness that he meets his bride at the hymenial With solemn pledge he swears to love and ct her through life, and he who fails to keep ith, is undeserving the esteem of those whose ientious principles bind them to a prompt and 111 observance of all duties incumbent upon a and devoted husband. A wife is as her husband 5S her. When storm meets storm, a whirlpool )8; when passion meets passion, the anti-peris-results leap mountains high, and crush to atoms 7 finer sensibility of the mind. The most un-ungovernable, and irrational woman can be led, quieted and reformed, if her mental peculi-js be understood, and a proper appeal be made ose predominant faculties which transcend the bounds of propriety. Much unhappiness is
brought about in married life by a domineering disposition of one spouse, to exult over the frailties of the other. No man should expose the imperfeetions of his wife, nor publicly manifest his disapprobation of whatever cour|Mlhe may have thou^t proper to pursue. There ^ no humiliation more intense and oppressive, than a husband's depreciation of a wife's effort to please. No distinction should ever be drawn between her and other ladies ; but if such a comparison should ever be made, let the companion of your bosom have the benefit of the compliment.
How often have women been seen to blush and hang their heads in confusion, when censure were heaped upon them, and unjust comparisons publicly drawn, at a time when attention and caresses were expected. The sting of a husband's frowns sink deep into the heart of a woman, and embitter the sweet streams of affection that flow from^itn ex* haustless fountain of love.
Many men think a wife is like a servant, and the sooner his authority is established and the iron rule is adopted, the more certain will he be of securing in all future time, the supreme command over his household. But this depends entirely upon the mental constitution of his wife ; for if she be proud and dictatorial, he could easier tame a shrew than
bring her under his authority. It is only with gentle and timid women that husbands command at i — ill.
When two persons with large self-esteem, firmness, and combativeness, unfortunately unite in marriage, it is impossible to maintain perpetual peace and friendship. The only certain means of avoiding an injudicious and improper match, is to study human nature, and choose a companion upon intellectual and scientific principles as well as by the dictation of animal passion. When discord is about' to arise, that party who feels the least competency in the management of the subject under dispute, should concede the point to the one of iuperior capacity. A lady may have a better taste in the selection of colors, in the adaptation of furniture to a parlor, and even in that department more peculiarly within the sphere of man, and in this case if a husband have sound judgment, will always give her the precedence without hesitation.
It should be the pride of every man to have a wife superior to himself; and nothing less than dogged niggardness would prompt a husband under Such circumstances to persist in a course of dictation, for no other purpose than to show his authority.
The same rule is applicable to a wife. If he has 17
a better knowledge of a partionlar basiness than she^ although her advice and suggestions should at all times be solicited and received with kindness and attention, yet if it should be impracticable, she should never murmur and pout because it were not adopted.
The happiness flowing from countless wealth, the internal emotions of a mind sprinkled with the star-dust of an immortal name, the rotating intensity of intellectual pursuits, the gentle fervor of devotion, are all insipid when compared with the pure love, sweet smiles, pleasing caresses, and constant affection of a kind and duti^l wife. She who makes her husband an idol, and feels her love to be reciprocal, is in the enjoyment of happiness which has no bounds. Her existence, her soul, and every pleasure, is wrapped up in his approving smiles. With such a companion, earth loses its tenebrious shade-tints, despair and misfortune vanish into nonentity, and a paradise of eternal felicity flashes into existence and spreads around universal domestic happiness. In the society of such a wife, the soul of a husband unfolds, expands, swells and overflows with tender sensibilities. By a magic tench, she dispels the dark thoughts of impending necessityf and lights up the glimmering sparks of hope, as
bright as the radiant glare of day. The dense darkness which swells into bursting convulsions at the approach of misfortune, by a heavenly smile, recedes in the distance and uncurtains a clear sky of life, light, and beauty.
Although in a foreign land and surrounded by strange faces, the mind of man will wander back to the bright scenes of youth, and picture in mental illumination the many happy hours spent in the old family circle. Although necessity may have cut asunder every social tie, and impelled him to leave home and kindred and seek his fortune in a new world; yet when the toils of day are done, and the mind is free to take its flight and review early associations, it will return with devoted fervor to the fairy-land of childhood. By imagination, he stalks and wanders beneath the young branches of the shady oak, down the hill side, through the green fields around to the old spouting spring, whose blue sparkling waters bubble in clear streams, and wend its rippling course to the broad valley below. There on its mossy banks, yes^vs ago, did young ambition
rise and conceive the first great thoaght, that houor, intellect and fame was as easily acquired by an humble plough boy, as by him whose ancestry had decked the pages of history. In the dilapidated old school house whose pupils had long ceased to be its tenants, was the first impulse of mind generated^ aroused, and prompted to burst the bands that boand genius to home, and soar in regions of endless distance, and comtemplate through the magic-lens of science, the eternal truths that hang over and hold enchained the destinies of man.
The bustle of life's busy scenes, the pomp and ostentatious display of social intercourse, may hush and smother for a time the thought of home, but at the still interim of quiet meditation, bright hopes, familiar faces and youthful friendships, all rush upon the mind by a dash of surprise, and create a new world within itself. Father, mother, and sisters, in one circle gathered, all stand in personal proximity as living statues, by a flashing reminiscence of the mind. Friends, neighbors and acquaintances, all march in single file, by mental reflection, commingle, associate and depart, in the ten thousand directions of human vocation. The alternate smiles and frowns of old lovers steal over the heart with that thrilling efl'ect it produced in the heat of action. The clear
Star-night, when the pledgee of first love were given, and the diamond rings of plighted faith were exchanged, seems but a moment of yesterday. Those mild and languishing eyes, though long since hushed in death, still revive in periodic turns the throbbing sympathies that beat within the breast of two youth-fiil lovers. The flush of excitemeut, the droop of disappointment, the deep meditation and melancholy reflection, consequent upon a final separation, stamp its impress upon the mind which no extinguishing power could ever obliterate. Years may pass, fortune may accumulate, honors may shower down like a halo of glory, and ambition's grasping aspirations may be satisfied, yet home, with all its endearments, can never be forgotten.
k LIST OF UNMARRIED YOUNG LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WITH THEIR RESPECTIVE PBOUNIART POSITIONS IN SOCIETY.
NEW ORLEANS, LA.
Miss H. Z $200,000
Miss R 250,000
Miss L. C 100,000
Miss E. M 50,000
Miss L. H 100,000
Miss Z. V 60,000
Miss L. B 76,000
Miss A. E 60,000
Miss M. T 40,000
Miss M. V 50,000
Miss L. D 60,000
Miss M. R 160,000
Miss M. T 100,000
Miss E. N 100,000
Miss S. C 150,000
Mifls R. C 60,000
Miss E. R 60,000
Thomas Gibbs Morgan, jr 60,000
D. C. Jenkins, 160,000
C. D. Dreux, 100,000
H. McDannold, 40,000
George M. Morgan 60,000
W. W CWm lOOMo
Bd. iti^lh-mij jwm
T. A. McDuinoid, 40^
John J Line .._ EtMno
J. B.WhiitiDgloD,.. 40,<no
'G*.''UetDn. M. D. ED^
IIovanlJ!>eliu) — , — Uo,o(n
fi — iirj Block,.- — _ __, 100,000
Jolin Huirlson. lOC^OOO
II. C. johrwoo. _ li/xo
Cmpi eimiiel Todd, ~ 80,000
tensnco Watson, U,000
W P.Prerel, 100,000
JunuFreret, — 100,000
J- D. Hm,. isojwo
J. Mountfope, M,000
Henrr W. Morgan, M,000
EAST BATON KOUQE, LA.
Kan Q. P _ B0, — )00
MiM M. e.. f,ojm
"'" — ca 80,000
— o, — oo
F. A. Ch — — ihMO, — i- ".
JofaD 4. Moore,
V. B. BrtiBoi, -...
A.B-VaO, — '
V Me01iiip — — yr "
Qirbart Dulgn,3i — . — JoMph B — Ta — nl,Jin.~
D. C. ModUd... .-..
O. P.Skei6tli. — ..~~.....~ Una Bewl, —
B. D. Dir,
B — qjBiniD M. tJiugre,...-.,
OeoTge tiniig, Jr B. D. HcOnider,....
J. C. Bumette, 40,000
A. V. Woods, M. D., 46,000
Thomas Barker, 85,000
D. Waddill, 40,000
Edward C. Mallory, 40,000
N. Young, 30,000
E. P. VanlandiDgham, 60,000
M. Chambers, 45,000
A. L. Gasman, 50,000
H. B. Monteith, ^ 50,000
Thomas Beale, ~. 40,000
J. Nettles, 40,000
Gibbs Thomas, 50,000
Samuel Faulkner, Jr., 35,000
J. Skolfield, 35,000
Duncan Conrad, 100,000
WEST BATON BOUGE, LA.
Miss P. G $ 76,000
Miss M. P 150,000
Miss S. P 150,000
Miss N 50,000
Miss H 40,000
Miss D 45,000
Miss S. P 65,000
Miss L. W — — . 176,000
Miss M. W 200,000
MissB — 40,000
H. W. Allen, 200,000
A. Bird, 100,000
Thomas C. Patrick, 160,000
B. aark, 46,000
Joseph Wolfork, ^....^ 900,000
Williun Patrick, 200,000
MiM V. A $150,000
Mi88 D. D 50,000
Mifls L. E. B 50,000
Samuel Gourier, ^ 50,000
H. Landry, — 30,000 —
Mw8 8. B 4150,000
MUh J. E 100,000
Mi8 — M. J. N 75,000
James Goode, 80,000
Taylor Beatty, 76,000
J. 8. Ballou, 50,000
R. J. Perkins, 20,000
Miss E. T $75,000
Miss M. A. J 75,000
Miss B.. 80,000
Miss M. C. R 40,000
D, Bond, 40,000
T. C. Raby, , 40,000
John Comstock, 75,000
Miss R. B 100,000
Miss L 40,000
J. L. Jenning, M, D., 50,000
T. A. Woods, 76,000
.. Sfi,CKW 36,000
MiM L. C. —
Jdmex Combell.-. John Griffith,
Willtam Knight,.... William Price,
KiuR.K~ Mlu H. S.....
Hent)' JU. Otigre, — Adolpbus Brick liam John Burton,.. S. D. RichordBon,
Hiiu J. H. a tM.OOO
Hiss C. A 46,<M)
Hln J. G 100,000
Kiiw E. 8. Wxm
Kiwi J. R 100,000
Jimei Beatlefc 7f,000
BiohBTd Buck, ~. — 00,000
MiHS C. M ~ $100,000
MiH8 W. M 100,000
MiBH G. H 50,000
Miss M. W 50,000
MiH8 Mary Clark, pretty, 75,000
Mi88 8. C ^ 75,000
Miss Laurena M. Hall, 50,000
Uol. William C. Hall, handsome 100,000
W.S. Marley, 100,000
U. H. Marley, 100,000
J. B. Clark, 75,000
William A. Hanlin, M. D., 80,000
. — i. H. Childress, 50.000
Thomas Hilderbrand, 40,000
J. C. Rice, M. D., 28 years of age, 60,000
L. T. Rico, M. D., 65,000
('. A. Bice, M. D 65,000
James B. Hart, 50,00(^
Miss A. G $40,000
Miss E. L 40,000
Miss H. G 400,000
C. P. Moore, 75,00U
Ed. Latham, 60,000
H. Calhoun, 45,000
W. Cameron, 30,000
Miss M. A ^60,000
James Delee, 90,000
John Collins, — 40,000
Miss C. I. - 300,000
T. Hunter, 80,000
O. W. HandBrBaa^^.,.. -... 100,000
H.B.Moble;,- — - .... 60,000
A. J. Collins, - .... 1211,000
D. W.Banda1|ih, ~ 40,000
Biolurdftlte^ — _ _ 6o,ooo
fl. tiunbsrt, *0,000
J B. LjnB, 30,000
W O. Jerdone, 80,000
Andrew Clwk, fiO^OOO
Miss M. McK ^ — $100,000
Miss A. B ^ ^ 50,000
Miss M. B , 76,000
B. Morrison, S0,000
Harrison, ^ 100,000
J. Higgins, 76,000
Miss F. H 26,000
Miss C 26,000
Noah Hampton, 76,000
Miss L. F 175,000
O. F. Sterman, $100,000
H. C. Merriwether, M.D 100,000
Miss A. McN $40,000
G. W. Short, 100,000
D. A. Martin, 100,000
E. R. Weir, Jr., 60,000
0WEN8B0R0, KY. John P. Thompson, $60,000
J. B. Thornton ^ ^ $60,000
J. O. McGoodwin, $160,000
Miss S. L $76,000
Miss M. C 100,000
Miss H. P 30,000
Charles Denby, 30,000
J. Shankling, 30,000
WeU H. Walker, 300,000
D. C. Keller, 60,000
Miss T $60,000
Miss B — 76,000
Miss C 60,000
Miss P 76,000
Miss S 40,000
A. L. King, SOjOqO
A. Southall, 30,000
A. J. Caldwell, 40,000
W. 8. Hawkins, 60,000
J. O. Blain, 40,000
J. D. Kirkman, 100,000
Miss P. T $50,000
Miss M. Mc 40,000
Miss M. A 76,000
R. Caruthers, 40,000
William Anderson, 90,000
MOl'ST PLEASANT, TEKN.
Uixs — aL. Mutben HiLung, Williun Rickets,....
Mips E. I
Min K. I... Miaa E.K.
niiUlp Hoe,.. Kenrj HaluireU, ...
BUFFALO, H. Y.
J. B. Woodbury,... T. K. Beeeher,
ST. LOUIS, HO.
The borrower must return this item on or before the last date stamped below. If another user places a recall for this item, the borrower will be notified of die need for an earlier retiun.
Non-receipt of overdue notices does not exempt the borrower from overdue fines.
Harvard College Widener Library Cambridge, MA 02138 617-495-2413
Please handle with care.
Thank you for helping to preserve UlM-ary collections at Harvard.
A Catholic friar.
Text prepared by:
Spring 2016 Group
- Jesse Bryant
- Dominick Phillips
- Stefanson Smith
Winter 2016-2017 Group
- Hailey Holt
- Cole Starkey
- Jacob Yazbeck
Spring 2017 Group
- John Holimon
- Gewhite Stallworth
Hall, Samuel Stone. Bliss of Marriage: Or, How to Get a Rich Wife. New Orleans: J. B. Steel, 1858. Internet Archive. Web. 15 Feb. 2017.
<https:// archive.org/ details/ bliss marriage or00hallgoog>.